London's Broken heart

The cave was darker than expected but I didn’t mind. I was grieving letting out my hate to everyone who survived the explosion, including myself. A month ago there was an attack on London; I only left because I needed to help the doctors, but I regret going. No I don’t regret going, If I hadn’t I would forever be wondering if my sister was in pain when she died, wondering how it happened, wondering forever…

I didn’t escape the explosion unharmed. I wasn’t close enough to be killed but I’m now deaf in both ears. I know I should miss the sounds but I don’t. I can still hear the explosion, the rocks falling and the screams of children. I don’t mind not being able to hear. It’s easier to grieve knowing that even if someone tries to speak to you, you can’t hear them. Peace, the best thing, I don’t want someone telling me it’s going to be alright, I don’t want to be lied to. I will never forget the look in my sister’s eyes as she noticed me in the crowd, her eyes lighting up with hope as I made my way towards her. Finally believing everything was going to be fine. It wasn’t, I couldn’t save her. No matter how hard I tried, she still would have died as I wasn’t fast enough. I can still smell the smoke and my sweat as I ran, but realised there was nothing I could do. My senses were destroyed in that explosion and so was my life. My sister was everything to me and now she’s gone. I know I should feel lucky to be alive but I don’t feel alive. I’m not, not really, not emotionally. She was innocent, as innocent as every other human being that was killed. People don’t think, they let anger blind them. It keeps them from seeing what’s really important in life. That’s what’s happened, someone else’s senseless, selfish thoughts have destroyed what’s important to me.

When I got home the cat was gone. It didn’t surprise me; he only really stayed for my sister, he never liked me.  I suppose he could sense she wasn’t coming home, there’s nothing left for him now, just like there’s nothing left for me. This cave is all I have left. My dad used to bring me and my sister up here camping. She would always get scared and end up crawling in my sleeping bag with me. I wish I had more time, even if it was just to come up here one last time with her. It’s no good wishing for things that won’t happen. I need to cherish the moments I had with her because those brief happy moments will be the ones I’ll remember most.