Well...Not Anymore.

Well...Not Anymore: Chapter 20

When he pulls away he says, "I love that you talk like a dude sometimes. No other girl would ever call me a tit." 

"That's just cause they don't know you as well as I do," I say teasingly, giving him a wink. 

This, for some reason, evokes a groan out of him and before I know it, he's slinked his arms around my waist and has yanked me towards him. "Please," he begs, leaning in and pressing his forehead against mine, "Just come stay tonight with me. Just tonight." 

Even though my body is pretty much dying to give into those gorgeous blue eyes of his and cuddle the night away with him, my common sense is telling me that it'll be better in the long run for me to keep bunking at Zara's. Although I am in love with Lucas and I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that I won't be able to ever get over that, I still don't want to have to depend on him for every little thing. I know in my heart that that's just not healthy.  

I need to some things in my life my own way. 

So I say slowly, "I'm sorry Luc, but I'm sleeping here." 

"Fine," he says quickly, dropping his arms from around me. "But I hope you know that you're breaking my heart right now." 

"Pansy," I tease, shoving him on the shoulder. "But we can do something tomorrow, if you'd like? You know, since you're so mad that I'm not going to sleep with you." 

"Oh," he says, reaching out and taking his jacket off the hook hanging on the wall, "We're hanging out tomorrow, no doubt. We were going to whether or not you wanted to." 

"Oh really?" I ask him, loving his fake commanding self because it's showing me that he does love spending time with me as much as I do him. 

"Yep," he says cheerfully, that once pouty tone disappearing. He leans in and presses a quick, sweet kiss to my lips and then says, "I'll see you tomorrow, love. Sweet dreams." 

"Bye Luc," I say, watching his muscular figure walk right out of Zara's front door. He shoots me a quick wink before shutting the door behind him, leaving me all alone with my thoughts. 

And all I can think about is how happy I'd be sleeping in his arms tonight. 

But I know that that's not the good thing to do; not the healthy thing. And I need to do what's best for me right now. I deserve a little bit of selfish time, don't I? After the month I've had?  

I'd like to think I do. 

With that thought, I flick the lock on the door and then shut the main lights off, knowing that it's super late and that Zara's probably been asleep for hours. Once everything's locked up, I head into the shower and then step into the hot shower once I've got it running. As I cleanse myself off with all of Zara's organic, earth-healthy soaps that smell like flowers and fields, I can't help but let a smile grace my lips. 

Sure today started out horribly. This morning was probably the most horrible one I've had in a while, seeing as how I learned about my father's death in the afternoon. But today also ended very, very well if I do say so myself. Well enough to effectively cloud the crappiness that went down during the morning. 

And I am somewhat glad that I did go to Lucas' house this morning and ream the two of them out. I'm not going to lie to myself. I got things out that I've been needing to get out for a while, told them things that I think they needed to hear. I spoke my peace. 

Judging by the amazing kisses Lucas has been planting on me since, speaking my peace was something that definitely went rewarded. 

oOoOo 

"Oh my god," I whine, burying my face into my drawn-up knees, "I hate this part! It's so sad! I mean, look at the way he's all cuddled up to his dad, and he's dead! It's awful!"