Yaytales - The last book you will ever read

Chapter II - Boot in the Sky

The Ashcrash was then destroyed by a boot that fell out of the sky.

          Meanwhile, up in the dark empty vacuum of space... which actually isn't empty. I'm not sure who came up with that. There is also this moon. Wait a minute, that's no moon! That's a giant brown boot! Inside the boot up in the dark, full vacuum of space...

"WHO DID THAT?". The clip clop of a pair of worn brown flipflops clip clops as the pair of flip flops flip flops down the narrow hallway towards the deck.

The children looked up from what various tasks they were doing to see the anger on the woman's face, as they wonder what all the fuss is about. AND if the fuss has to do with one of them being punished. The question was... who was to be punished? Or was she just angry that her favorite show Evan Galaxy was on hiatus after the latest Evansplash? "All children report to the ship deck at once!"

"Gather around Childrens, or I'll serve you broth without bread!" said the old lady. The children gasped as they shuffled into the circle. "Now!", she clapped her hands together, "Let us speak of the boot no longer with us". The grandest grandma (no offense grandmas) opened her mouth wide, and inhaled. With a loud exaggerated exhale, the grandest grandma breaks into a speech. "Brody Boot will be missed. He might not be remembered as anything special, considering that he is one of many models of the same boot. But he was different! His code was unique and easily forgettable, and no one else had that code... because if they did, what would be the point of them having ID codes anyway?". Silence stares in the form of children at the old lady. "LAUGH MY CHILDRENS LAUGH" she cackled. Laughter stares in the form of children at the old lady. "Now that's better" she muttered as she scanned the crowd with her third eye, hidden under tufts of grey hair (rumored to be made of grey cat fuzz, mop noodles, and other mystical properties). She stops.

"YOOOOOOOOUUUUUU". Her bony finger points in the face of one of her childrens. It was a redheaded weasel, with two big teeth sticking out of his mouth. "Uh ME?" asked the redheaded Weasel. "No not you". Her outstretched hand turns into a shrug and falls back to her side, and the whoamon looks elsewhere. "Why not me?". Whoamon's head turns back to the uglishly cute weasel alien thing. "Because you questioned it; NO QUESTIONS PERMITTED". "But what if I want it to be me". "Dream on Ronald". "But what if you let my dream come true?". "And WHYYYYYYYYYYY-". "axis" Beauty the Beast whispers. "-would I do that?" fumes the old lady. "Because I have something youuuuuu want" says Ronald satisfyingly. "you... you do?". "Oh yyyyyyes" Ronald replies with a toothy grin. He runs out of the room into a hallway and turns left at the fork in the hallway. The fork is silver. "Oh boy, what will it be" wonders Boot Baroness fondly, rubbing her hands together, staring into space, but not outer space, but inner space; the inner space of the big boot flying the sky. Kind of like Albert's Moving Pyramid but it's a boot.

Ronald Weasel continues to slippery snake down the endless hallways (just an hyperbole, folks). "Hee ha, I have bamboozled everybody". He reaches the control room of the boot. In the center of the control panel is the steering wheel, and there's two airlock window doors on either side of it. Steering the pirate ship wheel is Sock Monkey, a sea captain who is homesick, or rather seasick, cause the sea is his home. Wait a minute; h o l d u p.

Seasick = sick of the sea
Airsick = sick of the air
Homesick = missing home
Sense = none.

Does that mean that whenever you say that you're homesick, for example: in a different country, it actually means...

a. you are sick of your old place and enjoying the different country?

b. you are missing your old home and hating the different country? (what everyone says it for)

c. you are sick of homes in general, and you want to be homeless, under a New York bridge?

Or d. you are actually literally sick because your home is contagious.

The possibilities are E N D L E S S. (Not a hyperbole, folks)

Anyways, this sock monkey fella was airsick (sick of being in the air) and homesick (wanting to go home) and seasick (wanting to go back to the sea, his home). He was whistling that little ditty that's at the beginning of all the Colt Bizknee animated movies, when the air-doors slide open. "W H A A T" says Captain Sock shaking his head back and forth to see both doors. Ronald shoves him to the left. He's sucked out. Tumbling in the air, he turns on his parachute. "Success!" Sock trumpets.

What he doesn't know is that a Wordbird is approaching. "I am the wordbird and I say words. Did you know that word rhymes with bird? Kind of hilarious I presume. Say, what is that on the horizon? A sock monkey with a- ... a- .... a parachute! A parachute! And it's rainbow colored too! mmm That is one s x e y parachute. I have to stab my long yellow beak into it to show my affection for it, so that then it will love me and we shall do the various things that lovers do. Rapidly approaching. Gonna pop like bubblewrap paper coming fresh out of a delicious brown box. Oh how I love to eat brown boxes, they taste like bread if you didn't know. I didn't know this fact until I read it in a book about boxes that I wrote called Boxes - a brief billion words on Boxes. Walrus Wordbird is my favorite author, since we are in fact the same person, er bird. I keep on having to remind myself that I am in fact a really smart bird, and not an actual person. But anyways, my perspective on life is that you have to be your own biggest fan. I believe this pretty poetic, as pretty as the parachute I'm about to-"

P O P!

The Wordbird, comes out of nowhere and pops the parachute. "LOVE ME" it cries. Sock Monkey flails his arms, legs, and head. He hits the ground but is okay, since he is just a Sock Monkey and can't be hurt from heights, unless they involve fire and spiky items that meet him at the bottom. The wordbird embraces the popped parachute. "We are now soulmates" it whispers to the parachute. #parachird

Back in the boot control panel,

Ronald Weasel is frozen in disbelief. "I am going to be a criminal on the run now... AWESOME". He pulls an extra parachute backpack on the wall off the wall over his arms onto his back. He steers the ship downwards to it's doom.