dirk gently's attempt at shopping

the bus journey

"toddd." dirk sighed in the fed up manner of a small child whose waiting for their mum to get off the phone.
"yes? dirk." todd replied, trying his best to hide his moderate frustration by keeping his eyes on the juddering bus' floor.
"are we, there yet?" todd sighed at dirks question; he'd thought taking dirk to a shop would be a quiet break of all the, y'know, dirky things that went on. so far, quiet would definatly not be the word to describe things.
"we literally just got on the bus, like, two minuets ago; how could be possibly be there yet?" dirk shrugged at this answer and slouched into his seat, looking across sulkily at todd.
"shall i ask the pilot to hurry up?"
"dirk, he's a driver. how - how do you not know this? everyone catches buses, even holistic detectives." sometimes todd was beliwildered at dirks lack of adult-ness.
"i dont need to travel. im always in the right place: its a universe thing." dirk explained, jumping up. "anyway, i'll go have a word with the 'driver', im bored."
"don't, please." todd said, sliding his leg in an attempt to stop him passing. "i think you upset him when you refused to pay."
"isnt the joy of helping people get from where they are to where they want to be payment in itself?" dirk sat down again but was talking very enthusiastically.
"well when you say it like that... no." todd folded his arms and lent his head on the vibrating window.
"i thought he was rather rude myself: 'thats $3.' no pleases. 'i dont have $3.' 'that changes nothing.'." ... dirk continued to act out the, very recent, previous argument with the driver, voices and all. after a solid 6 minutes of dirkVdirk, there was silence as he decided to look at the view of rushing buildings.
"i dont like the driver either." an old lady sitting two seats from dirk then said to him. "thinks he runs the world, told me to stop going out so often, 'wouldn't do my hip any good' or something like that. i'll show him!" dirk's face brightened up and he scooted up a seat to sit right next to this lady.
"how dare he! the cheek of it!" dirk gasped. the lady chuckled to herself.
"and today he said he wouldnt even drop me off outside the laundrette!"
"hes a monster." dirk declared. "todd! todd!"
"what now?" a grumpy todd snapped.
"sorry about him," dirk quickly said to the lady. "he's an embarrassment. anyway, todd! i have decided that today we are - sorry, whats your name?" the old woman opened her mouth to answer. "wait, its margaret, i know, so, today we are going to visit the laundrette with my new friend margaret!"
"no." todd replied simply.
"how did you know my name?" margaret inquired.
"intuition, my dear friend. oh, todd, pleeeeeaaaase?" dirk begged, speedily moving to the spare space by todd and pleading.
"dirk, we're not taking some pensioner to clean her socks: thats final."