Savior (phan)

love hurts

DANS POV:

" Daaann!" I hear Phil scream from the kitchen. WHAT, I say rolling out of my bed. "You want to go out today" sure, I say tiredly getting on some clothes. I choose to wear my horny hoodie and some plan black jeans. I walk into the kitchen to see Phil looking in the fridge, he turns around and says "we have no food left" he laughs and sticks his tongue out of the side of His mouth, I love when he does that its the mist adorable thing in the world, he is so perfect and then there is me ugly fat nothing special about me a fucking hate everything about myself. I sigh and walk over to the cabinet and pull out a box if crunchy nut and hand it to phil, "when did you hide this" he says giving me a are you kidding me look, um I don't know about 2-3 weeks ago I say. That's when I stopped eating so a guess thats when I put it there, the only thing I have ate since then is a small slice of pizza and some popcorn. Phil makes him a bowl of cereal and looks at me "do you want some" he says, uhm no I'm not hungry. " Dan I haven't seen you eat anything in awhile are you okay" he says giving me sad eyes, yeah everything is fine I had a late  night last night I ate lots of chips I say with a fake smile obviously lying but he let's it pass and says "okay let me finish my cereal and we can go shopping" okay I reply walking to go to the lounge.
         ~about 30 mins later~
  "Ready phil says grabbing his stuff". Yeah want me to call a uber. "I already did" phil says, sitting down next to my to tie his shoes, my heart speds up a little it always happens when he sits close to my. We walk out of the flat and climb into the uber. The driver is a man in what looks like he is in his late 30s, he greets us and ask where we are going, phil tells him and he starts driving off. I put my earphones in and play teenagers by mcr, I'm not in my emo phase anymore but I still love that band.
When we finally get there we thank the driver and start walking into some store we see a Starbucks and walk in we order and find a table, when we sit down phil looks over at me and says "Dan are you sure you're okay, you just haven't been yourself lately" I hate when he says he brings stuff up I don't understand I'm not something to worry about, I'm fine phil I promise. We sit there in silence for a little bit when he finally says "you know you can tell me anything right" I know I say looking down at my feet. Suddenly the women at the counter calls our names phil gets up and gets our drinks and places mine in front of me, I really didn't want to drink it, I know it has to many calories all I've been drinking is water for weeks now, I take a sip and know I can't finish it so I just pretend to drink it. Me and phil talk about the gaming channel and what we should play next he says we should marry dill and Tabitha we think about it for a little and talk about it a little bit and agree that we should. Phil finishes his coffee and I pretend to finish mine, I'm surprised phil didn't notice I was faking I think he was to busy talking about the sims. We walk out and got into the uber agian and go home.
             ~40 minutes later~
   We walk in the house and phil asks if I wanted to have a movie night I thought about it and I just said no because I was tired and wanted to call it a early night, he just nods. I walk to the bathroom and reach under the cabinet and pull out my razor blades. I have two boxes of blades one is in my bedroom and one is in the bathroom, I take one of the blades out of the box and slide it across my already scared and scabbed wrist I watch as the blood drains down the sink I make to more smaller cuts and run water over them, I turn the water off and pull down my sleeves. I walk out of the bathroom making sure to clean up the blood and hide my razors back, I can't have phil finding out he will think I am a crazy person and hate me, I don't know what I do without phil he is always there when I need him. I walk towards my room and poke my head on Phil's room and tell him goodnight and walk in my room and lock the door, I move my arm in a weird way or something because the fresh cuts start gushing blood again I grab some tissues and wrap them around my wrist. I lay down on my bed. Why did this have to happen to me why can't I just be happy and have a normal fucking mind, I start to cry thinking about the last time I was this upset it was when I was in uni and I was really stressed about everything and phil was there to hold me and tell me that everything was okay, but now I cant tell him he will hate me and leave. The thought of phil leaving was enough to give me chills, I start thinking about all the memories I have with phil, like all the times we play Mariocart with each other and I would laugh every time he would mess up, that's exactly why I can't tell phil I can't lose moments like that I always will love being around phil just something about him is so beautiful. I look over and see the bottle of sleeping pills  I walk over and open the bottle, I take three pills out enough to knock me out but not enough to kill me that was for a different day I lay back down on my bed and instantly start to fell tired, before I know it I'm fast asleep...

  A/n
      Hi are you enjoying it so far I know this was a kind of short chapter well see the reason for that is its 3am and I have school tomorrow should be a update soon by bagels!  ~ab