pick up lines - huang renjun

one

renjun:
are you a keyboard? bc you're just my type

ahyeong:
what are you doing?

renjun:
idk i just felt like using that on you.
did it work?

ahyeong:
unfortunately for you, no

renjun:
:(((

ahyeong:
:)))

renjun:
hey, you know what sucks?

ahyeong:
vacuums

renjun:
no. i'm going to ask again. you know what sucks?

ahyeong:
black holes

renjun:
wtf... ok you know what's not cool?

ahyeong:
lava. lava isn't cool.

renjun:
i hate you so much

ahyoung:
how could you hate your best friend?

renjun:
idk man i just do

ahyoung:
i am not a man

renjun:
you are. you're just in disguise.

ahyoung:
i am not a man! i'm 100% woman.

renjun:
prove it

ahyoung:
well for one, i have boobs

renjun:
pics or you're lying

ahyoung:
...you will get NO PICS

renjun:
bc you're a man

ahyoung:
fuck you

renjun:
sorry but i'm not interested in men.
what are you doing later btw?

ahyoung:
nothing

renjun:
wanna hang out?

ahyoung:
i have plans

renjun:
did you make plans in the three seconds it took me to text you?

ahyoung:
yes

renjun:
what are your plans?

ahyoung:
i'm gonna hang out with someone

renjun:
who?

ahyoung:
my dog

renjun:
bitch. you don't have a dog.

ahyoung:
how do you know?

renjun:
bc if you had a dog, you would've sent me approximately 99999999 pics of it by now

ahyoung:
that's true

renjun:
if you were a vegetable, you'd be a cutecumber

ahyoung:
shut the fuck up with your stupid ass

renjun:
if you were a vegetable, you'd be a rudeabaga.
anyway, what are you doing rn?

ahyoung:
meth

renjun:
cool. can i get some?

ahyoung:
nah bitch it's mine

renjun:
:(
renjun:
but you're not actually doing meth, right?

ahyoung:
of course not

renjun:
good

ahyoung:
i'm smoking weed instead

renjun:
no, you're not. you're too innocent to do drugs.

ahyoung:
yeah, you're right

renjun:
do you ever just stand in the shower and imagine the water is acid and your skin is slowly melting away?

ahyoung:
....no?

renjun:
cool. me neither.

ahyoung:
do you want to go into town later and fake propose to me so people will congratulate us and buy us drinks?

renjun:
...i love you. so much.

ahyoung:
save that for when you're proposing. also, i need you to cry as you're proposing. you need to really sell that shit.

renjun:
i swear i have the most amazing best friend in the world

ahyoung:
yeah, so maybe you should show me some more respect from now on

renjun:
that's not going to happen. now get dressed in something really nice. you have to look at least half decent when i propose.

ahyoung:
wtf are you talking about? i always look amazing.

renjun:
keep telling yourself that

———

this was originally a taeyang (sf9) story but i recently decided to only write for nct

and let's please pretend renjun is legal for the sake of this story. don't worry though. he isn't going to do anything bad. i just want them to be a bit older.