It's just a fact by now. Every time i think of someone... anyone... i found a down side to what our relationship now is compared to what it was.
Two of my best friends... or rather ex-best friends, i just no longer talk to. It's just messed up, the way you convince yourself of that simple little lie: "We'll always be together", "We're the best friends and we will never be apart from each other", "I don't knoe what i would do without you...".
They all just seem like lies with the same damn end. Personally I feel like I'm done; I keep meeting new friends and becoming super close with them and suddenly we don't talk anymore... hell, we don't even share eye contact...
This whole friendship thing now only seems like a dark abyss destined for my personal cage of loneliness. My punishment for a crime i didn't commit... while all my demons are yet to be discovered...
See, i did do something... to the first of the friends i lost. Her i can't blame, i screwed up after many second chances. I could still keep fighting over how it was all her fault and i only did it because I was tired... truth is i WAS tired. But it is not justified and i accept it was my fault... if i could reverse time and prevent what is did i would, because i got nothing better from my choice. And to be honest... i miss her.
My choice truthfully brought me happiness, but now it's just pain on top of more pain. I chose my second best friend over my first best friend. Mainly cause i liked the second one. We came to develop a nice relationship and it was confusing for a while cause my feelings were all scattered and i didn't care about losing my first best friend after all. But as soon as another guy... an older guy came into view who coule offer many other things i could not.. she left. She just left me here to rot with no explanation or clear reason of why she left.
Now, I'm just drowning in the agony of what it is to be alone. Don't get me wrong, they aren't the only friends i have lost, but they kind of are the ones who hit me the hardest... and i would do anything to get them back...
My arrogance... it didn't cost me one friend for another. The price i thought i had paid actually cost me two people i loved... and it hurts me deeply and I'm just... I'm sad... okay?
