Feelings & Thoughts Are The Worst Things To Own

1

I made a mistake.
The mistake?
Falling for someone.

Someone who might be considered as my guy best friend or just a close friend.

I don't know why I liked him.
I could do better honestly, my friend even told me when I opened up to her when she asked my relationship with him.

Maybe I just liked how he tried to make me laugh and how we just instantly hit it off and became good friends.

He confessed that he liked my smile and he likes to make me laugh.

Too bad we don't talk as much as we did before.

I sometimes wish that I didn't catch feelings. If I didn't, I feel like I could still have been as close as I was to him.

He opened up to me which is surprising since most people don't do that anymore. He used to call me, we even had many inside jokes.

He opened up to me about his love life and it hurt when he told me that he liked someone else.

He didn't do it once but twice.

I guess the first time he did, it was a signal, a signal for me to stop developing these feelings.

He told me he got over her and moved on. He did and it was a decision that affected us both.

He has a girlfriend.
I'm just his friend.
Nothing more, nothing less.

It hurt when he told me that he was going to ask her out,
he hurt me when he told me the other morning how happy he is to be with her,
It hurts even more seeing him with her and how they seem to like or even love each other very much.

I need to move on.

It wasn't only that.

My friend that I talk to the most ended up having feelings for him as well.

I told her that I liked him and she tried to hide it.

There was so many red flags popping up and I confronted her eventually which also hurt.

I guess it was my fault since I introduced them to each other by snapchat. But was it really my fault? After all, we are all different and we can't control our emotions.

I guess I wanted to know his reaction that day when she confessed to him.

I wanted to know what he'll say, how he would take it, maybe I wanted to know if he liked her back.

It's been about a month, I don't talk to him at all. We used to talk everyday, by text and in person but ever since that streak ended, neither of us tried to fix it. I guess that was goodbye.

I only see him once every other day and I'm lucky to see him at least once or even talk to him.

Each day our conversations, our interactions with each other were less.

I miss him making me laugh.
I miss him sending me memes.
I miss him calling me.
I miss how we have inside jokes.
I miss how we tried to talk to each other everyday.
I miss how he promised to get me things even if I knew he never would.
I miss him in general.
I miss the guy I used to talk to.

I guess we became strangers with each other's secrets.

But once a door closes,
a window opens.