In the moment the logical thing to do was cry.
You were exhausted, mentally and physically but you had been bottling up everything for days. Not now though.
In hindsight you should have noted how ridiculous it was to let go in the bathroom of your friend's house when her brother was visiting. Something about the situation overwhelmed you even more though and made the sobs that racked your body all the heavier.
"Y/N is that you in there?"
Fuck it was Joe.
"Y-yeah sorry I'll be out in a minute" You said, trying to sound as cheery as possible. You cursed yourself for the strain in your voice.
You looked yourself in the mirror - you looked like shit and desperately splashed your face with water to try and bring down the redness in your eyes from crying. You pinched the inside of your arm for good measure, you couldn't let him see you like this. Especially not him.
The door swung open slowly and you stepped out into view, running your hand through your hair, looking down, trying to avoid eye contact at all costs. He is leant up against the opposite wall but came towards you when the door opened. You made to walk past him but he held his arm out stopping you and at the same time pulling you back - close proximity to him.
"This isn't like you, somethings wrong" He whispers moving his head to study you properly.
"Yeah that's right you expect me to be all smiles, all the time" You say finding your voice finally, you were surprised at the spite laced in it, hidden under the roughness of your voice from crying. You pushed his arm away quite forcefully after this comment. The second after you regretted your words, your tone, your actions - this wasn't his fault.
"Shit no that's not what I meant, I just" He pauses scratching his neck, "I care about you"
"Why? Why Joe, I'm your sister's friend - I'm not your problem" You were no longer angry at him but willed him to leave you be to sort yourself out.
You finally look him in the eye, you see the disbelief in his eyes from your outbreak, "You are not a problem, yo- you're-"
"I'm what Joe? Ugly, sad, worthle-"
"Don't do that to yourself you're perfect" He says firmly finally sorting himself out - seeing you so vulnerable had hurt him as much as this was hurting you, "You're perfect to me" He repeats softly.
You could feel the tears threatening to spill again in hearing those words come out of his mouth. Just white lies for the sad girl. "I saw the comments on that video - and it's fine, I'll be fine just let me go to bed" You whisper, removing his arm that softly clung to yours, you hadn't even noticed him do it.
"I'm sorry but I can't let you walk away from me again" You're confused by his words then stunned when he catches up to you and pulls him into you, placing his lips on yours tenderly but in one swift motion - as if scared if he took too long he would refrain himself, or worse you'd be gone again. The kiss was gentle and short, but the zoo it unleashed was anything but.
He pulls away resting his forehead against yours, "You have no idea how long it's taken me to pluck up the courage to do that" He breathes, "Y/N you're the most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on and you have a heart of gold to match. I see why people are drawn to you, why Zoe was drawn to you, why the fans... Y/N? Have I made you uncomfortab-" He asks this for due to your reaction. But you shake your head - it was a situation you could have almost laughed at if you didn't feel so pathetic. Tears were freely flowing down your face, despite your wishes, but you were crying for a different reason entirely now, you couldn't believe he had just kissed you. Joseph Sugg. The boy you had tried to cover up feelings for years.
Unable to comprehend anything else you wrap your arms round his neck and hug him. His arms quickly find your back and rub it in soothing circles whilst you tried to both sort your head and your breathing.
"Hey Y/N there yo-" Zoe paused mid way through her sentence. You admit the sight in the hall couldn't have been pretty - on your part at least. You feel Joe shake his head softly at her and hear her retreating footsteps a moment later.
When you felt you were able to talk you pulled out of the hug, finding the wall to lean on instead for support.
"What you said, you're not just saying that because -"
"Never" he says with a small smile, "I wouldn't lie about my feelings after waiting 3 years to express them". You look closer at his face, his eyes were shining too - had he cried over me? you ask yourself. It takes even longer for you to register he had just said 3 years.
"Okay" You start taking a deep breath, "Sorry I can't think straight - 3 years Joseph?"
"I didn't want to make things awkward if you didn't feel the same", your heart is beating out of your chest.
"I do feel the same" You whisper moving off the wall and kissing his cheek. A blush appeared on his face and he couldn't help but smile and you couldn't help but smile at his smile so now you were both smiling like idiots.
"If you feel sad you come to me next time" He whispers interlacing his hands in yours. You look down at them and smile, appreciating the roughness of them - it felt real.
"I might just" You reply with a loving smile.
