Kylo Ren Gets New Underwear

The box was black. It was tied with a black satin ribbon. It was on Kylo Ren's bunk, as if it had been there all along.

Kylo eyed it suspiciously. No one would give him gifts unless they were trying to suck up to him, and everyone on the Starkiller Base knew by now it was worthless to try. He either tolerated people, or he killed them. There was no room for sucking up.

It was more likely a ploy, or a trap. Something that would kill him: an assassin micro-droid, or a deadly space virus.

He poked the box with his finger. Nothing buzzed with anger inside. He should be able to destroy a micro-droid with a single flick of his light sabre, and his mask protected him from every known virus. So he pulled the end of the ribbon, slipped it off the box, and opened it.

Inside was black tissue paper. Gingerly, he unwrapped it to find what nestled within.

Pink. A wisp of a pale pink silk thong, with cream lace edging. Someone was taking the piss.

'Fuck you,' he growled, and threw them, box and all, across the room. He stalked out of his quarters and went off to make some underling's life hell. Maybe blow up a planet.

***

Walking down the corridor, he heard the telltale ring of General Hux's polished boots on the polished floor. The man walked differently than anyone else in the First Order, though Kylo Ren was damned if he knew why: Hux wore a uniform just like the rest of them. All right, it was specially tailored. And his coat had wider lapels than anyone else's. And his belt was extra shiny, and his boots were so bright they almost seemed to glow. But his clothes shouldn't make him walk differently.

Kylo had, on occasion, thought that perhaps that the difference was only in himself. That perhaps he had an unusual sensitivity to General Hux's presence. But why would that be so? The General was a power-hungry ass with more than a touch of OCD. He even lined up his peas before eating them. Kylo had to work with him, and the First Order, to further his own aims and to serve the Dark Side. But he didn't have to like the man.

But it was true: Kylo could discern Hux's footsteps from a distance. It meant that if he wanted to, he could duck down a corridor and avoid seeing the general. For some reason, he rarely took that option, even though the sight of Hux's straight-edge shoulders and close-fitting leather gloves, his pale face and sharp cheekbones and flaming hair, gave him no pleasure.

No pleasure at all.

Hux rounded the corner and, for a microsecond, his pace faltered. It was hardly enough for anyone to notice it, but Kylo did. His pale eyes flickered to the place where Kylo's were, under his mask. And though Hux could not see Kylo's expression, Kylo could see his. The faint ghost of a smirk that touched his lips.

Kylo Ren stopped, mid-corridor, a truth flooding his mind that had nothing to do with mind reading and everything to do with that small ghost of a smirk.

The filmy silk lacy underwear had been sent to him by Hux.

He stared as Hux swept by, and the phalanx of Stormtroopers who followed the General parted in the middle to go around Kylo Ren, like a stream around an unmoving rock.

**

'Why,' Kylo Ren growled, in the safety of his quarters once more. 'Why would that smug, self-satisfied, fascist son of a bitch want to send me lingerie?'

He kicked the wall. Kicked it again. Punched it and imagined it was Hux's pasty face. Arrogant mouth. Patrician nose. Clenched his gloved hands and imagined Hux's pale throat being crushed by the Force.