midnight thoughts x

1:54 am

EXTREME TRIGGER WARNING MY DUDES!!!!!

(short story)

"you ever feel..
empty?

like.. you could give up at any time?
or you just absolutely hate everything...?

after everything with the emotions and my face and my ugly scars and the rejection, im kinda just done.

after all these years of doing nothing with my life, doing nothing but sleeping, drugs, homework, and literally so much rejection, i am done.

if life is as empty as the afterlife, i might as well go now. there's nobody to appreciate me now, there gotta be somebody to appreciate me there.

yeah right.

i'd rather kill myself and go to infinite darkness then live in a place where i'm constantly rejected and hated.

this is my note.

everybody else should keep going and ill leave myself hanging from the ceiling,

if you're reading this..

i've kept the door locked to prevent you from seeing my disgusting ass with a rope around my neck.

sorry."

     My heart sank after reading that. I put the note back down on the ground, holding back tears, and almost puking. She was literally only 13.

     13. 13 years old and she already felt that way. She was my sister. I pushed the locked door and it would not budge. I knew she had done it already. I kicked the door in and saw her struggling for air. She tried to push me away but i cut her out with the blade she kept next to her bed.

     Wow i'm an awful sibling. She had all these hints showing how she felt and nobody noticed at all.

     She fell to the ground and i pulled her up, the ghastly rope mark on her neck made me gag. I pulled her arm close and noticed all of the self harm marks. I almost wanted to hang myself after not noticing

     "Why?" i asked softly, almost chopping up into years.

     "I HATE MYSELF, DONT YOU SEE?" She yelled, coughing and wheezing for air.

     I pulled her into a hug and didn't let go.

     You never know what you have until it almost fucking kills itself.

(wow that's depressing.

but honestly that's how i've been feeling lately but it's all cool my dudes. have a good night.)