You Only Fall Once

VII

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Special thanks to my sister for offering me loads of ideas whenever I'm stuck:)

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11:08 pm.

With Damien gone and me being alone in the house I felt an unsettling feeling lurking in the back of my consciousness.

I tried calling Eleanor but she was in the middle of a night shift of whichever one of her jobs she was working and probably didn't have her phone.

It wasn't unusual for me to be alone in this big house. In fact it was expected. My dad died, my mom died, my sister worked for the majority of the day or all night and I barely had any friends aside from Damien and Rach-

"Oh crap," I mutter, suddenly remembering the message I hadn't finished reading at Ella's Ice Cream. I scramble around my room searching for my phone but it's not here. I think of the large windows and glass backdoors downstairs and a sense of vulnerability and paranoia grips me, stoping me from venturing to the kitchen.

11:24 pm.

Looking away from the black clock hanging above my bed, I sigh and change into my pyjamas. I contemplate showering but decide that it would be better to do in the morni - ughh god Xavier.

I had to meet him at 10:30 tomorrow morning which meant I would have to wake up early to shower away the smell of ice cream, sweat and dirty clothes for the time we'll spend ignoring each other.

11:35 pm.

Whatever, screw him.

I brush my teeth and leave the pile of snacks on my dresser, collapsing into bed, exhausted from this day's events.

I recall the therapy session, crashing into Xavier at Ella's, him ordering the exact order I've always gotten and then having someone trash my house.

11:42 am.

I lie restless in bed. Twisting and adjusting my body to find comfortable positions but every movement left part of my body on uncomfortable, cold patches of my bed.

I force my eyes shut one last time, willing my loud, jumbled thoughts to just let me fall asleep.

"You really shouldn't be here," I say giggling. It's like I'm always laughing at something, at anything, with him.

Even as I say it, I snuggle my body closer to his, appreciating the warmth of the bed from his body.

I feel his chin move on my head, telling me that he's looking down at me when he asks, "Do you want me here?"

My blanket wraps around me like his arms. The pillow under my head is as comforting as laying on his chest. The ticking of my clock morphs into the beating of his heart. And despite all of this I still don't know who he is.

I treasure the feeling of safety and peace anyways as happiness blooms in my chest while I replay the fragment of memory as many times as I can before my mind drifts off to sleep.

Midnight.

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"Ugh no," I groan as I tap my fingers around, looking for the snooze on my phone alarm - again.