Kaylor: Perfect Storms

Chapter 18- I've Been Holding Back this Feeling

All of a sudden, Taylor didn't feel like partying anymore. She stood outside in a slightly dazed state, breathing in the smell of liquor and cigarette smoke, with no idea what to do. She'd told Ashley on the phone that she'd let her know nearer the time if she was available, and Ashley had ended the conversation promising her that she'd text her later with further details. But did she really want to go? All the memories came rushing back to her as she pondered the situation over, remembering the previous parties of Ashley's she had attended. She distinctly remembered the feeling of intense anxiety every time she'd stepped through the door to Ashley's house, knowing Dianna was already there. That same anxiety melting away as soon as she walked in the room and was hit with the actress's warm welcoming smile. It was always the same with them; she wouldn't have heard from Dianna for a while, perhaps due to her busy filming schedule or she just didn't want to talk to her, she wasn't quite sure, but as soon as she saw her again it was like they'd never stopped talking. They slipped straight back into their familiar electric connection with each other. Naivety told her it was because they were meant to be; they were soulmates. She read into every word she spoke, every little look they shared, every little accidental brush of the hand whenever they happened to be sitting next to each other.

She remembered the good times, but she remembered the bad ones just as well. There was one specific time that was so vivid in her mind it was as if it had happened yesterday; Dianna had come over to her house for the first time in forever (Taylor had spent a good hour cleaning prior to this, desperate to impress her). They were hanging out in her living room when Dianna suddenly started talking about her latest crush. "Taylor I have to tell you about this guy," she said, Taylor's heart immediately sinking on hearing the last word; Dianna's reaffirmation of her heterosexuality. "I bumped into this guy at my agency's office, Tim, he's a football player, you may have heard of him. But oh wow, he's good looking!" She moved her hands animatedly with enthusiasm.

"Oh yeah?" Taylor said, trying her hardest not to sound like her heart was breaking.

"Yeah! We had a lovely chat for a few minutes, and then he asked me for my number! Can you believe it?" She gave the familiar sweet, soft laugh Taylor could listen to on repeat for hours and never get sick of.

"Did you give it to him then?" she asked, even though she really didn't want to know the answer.

"Yeah I did actually," her mouth curled into a coy smile.

"Oh I see, shall we start organising the wedding then?" Taylor joked, falling into her usual defence mechanism for dealing with her emotions, as she always did when it involved the actress she was so uncontrollably in love with.

"Very funny!" Dianna smiled, slapping her on the arm lightly.

"Can I be the godmother to your many children?" She continued to tease, grinning at her. She saw Dianna's smile fade and she frowned at her. "What is it? Did I say something?"

"Well, it's just, it's not like we're going to know each other by the time I have kids," Dianna shrugged.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that's just what happens. You get into a relationship and start a new life and family with them, you don't really keep your friends."

"So you're saying that you don't want us to have a lasting friendship?" Taylor stared at her incredulously. What had started out as a joke had turned into an awful nightmarish reality. Even if she couldn't have Dianna the way she wanted, she still couldn't imagine living her life without her. She thought Dianna valued their friendship as much as she did, after all, they had a connection unlike any other.