Learning to Fly (Mads Mikkelsen)

Chapter 35: Empty Spaces

"Yeah, it was good news that I wanted to tell you actually.  So it can totally wait," I follow his hand with my eyes, then smile and nod to reassure him.

"Well don't make me wait!  I'm so glad to hear you're happy," he folds his arms and leans on the adjacent wall, that charming smile of his totally slaying my heart.

"O-okay well," I swallow and try to find my bearings, "Zack said I could direct a scene!"

I don't contain any of my joy as it all comes bubbling to the surface again.

"That's wonderful, I'm thrilled for you," something seems off when he says it.  His smile falters a fraction and his brow furrows slightly; micro emotions telling me that he's lying.

"Did you already know?" I ask, confused as to why he isn't more thrilled for me.

"Uh no," he looks at floor, "I did not."

He's totally lying to me!  But why?

"Did he say anything else?"

His sombre reaction to my news is not at all what in was expecting, and my mood has levelled off.

"No.  Just that it would be a scene next week, and that I'll start shadowing him until then and learn all that I can."

"I see," he says, still not meeting my eyes.

"But I mean, you're the producer, you make shots, so...if you're not okay with it..."

"Oh, no, no, no," he stands up straight,  "I want this for you, I'm glad this opportunity makes you so happy," there's that forced smile again!

"I should get back to planning my week," he looks around the corner, back to his office.

"Alright," I say, not hiding my disappointment in his reaction at all.

He turns back to me and gives me a weak, but genuine smile. 

I'm so confused.  Usually I can tell exactly what's going on with him.

"I'll talk to you later," he takes a step towards me and wraps his hand around the base of my head and looks into my eyes.

I could cry from being so confused.  I look up at him, desperately trying to figure out what he's thinking.

Is he going to kiss me?

Would I stop him if he did?

Should I kiss him? 

I feel lost in his eyes, but I don't care.  The rest of the world melts away when I'm there.

But that's bad, right?

He suddenly takes a sharp inhale, which I think brings us both back down to Earth.

"Be careful this week with him," he says before abruptly leaving for his office.  He shuts the door behind him.

What the fuck, Mads.

You should leave him alone.  You're being selfish.  Find someone else to talk to.

Frustrated tears burn my eyes. 

"Liv!"

"What!" I snap at the voice coming from the other direction without knowing who they are or what they want.

"Jesus," Zack's assistant Luke appears and is frowning at me.

"Sorry, I'm just..." I press my hand to my forehead.  "Nevermind.  What can I do for you?"

"Do you want a Xanax?" He whispers at me.

"Luke.  What.  Do.  You.  Want."

"Snyder wants you," he points at his headset.

Of course he does.  At least he sent his assistant so I wouldn't be alone in a dark corner with him too.

Though, I think that a hug from just about anyone would be helpful right now.

"Yeah.  Okay," I sigh as I hold back my tears and give him a weak smile.  I start to follow him back to the sound stage.

"Liv!" I wince as I hear Kat call my name.

"You people do realize that I'm not on staff, right?  I am not being paid to be pulled in twelve different directions!"

Kat comes around the corner in the same way Luke had: apprehensively. 

"I already offered her a chill pill," Luke mock whispers across me to Kat.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

For some reason that question always makes me burst into tears.  This was no exception.