I remember being a little kid so afraid of the fragility of life and praying beneath my covers each night that God would spare me another day. Life was a thing that was so uncertain and so pain ridden that I wasn't even sure I was meant to be here. I felt like a mistake and a burden. Most days "life" validated those feelings by the events that came to pass. Life was an ever changing thing. It shifted from fragility to something that was meant to be celebrated. Life had turned the tables on me and suddenly I felt like I belonged. It was such an empowering thought to be able to wake up each morning and face the day. To be able to embrace the world without a second thought and to feel as if you were on top of the world was such a beautiful thing. But suddenly it was ripped from me with such ferociousness and the sand washed away beneath my feet amidst the waves crashing around me. My lungs filled with water and air became a distant memory... long forgotten. Life became something that was so burdensome. I wasn't sure if I could handle it. I lost all faith in the very organs that had kept me alive and breathing for so long. Life became a gift I wanted to rewrap and hand deliver to the Giver. I wanted to slip blissfully between the waves, lungs full of water, heart full of pain, sweet release just on the other side. I wanted to forget the hands that reached beneath the surface to lift me back to safety. I wanted to ignore the voices that cried out with the intent to save. I wanted to block my heart from feeling any draw to this life and its inhabitants. But life has a funny way of drawing you back in, of whispering sweet nothingness into your mind and igniting a hope that was all but forgotten. Life is many things, but mainly life is change... life is a battle day to day to survive, but it's breathless and beautiful if you know how to see and know where to look. Life is truly not fair, but it teaches you how to fight for what you believe, to not give up on your dreams, and how to reach the lost and broken because after all, you know how it feels to just exist. Life teaches you how to live and love and to never leave words unspoken. Life is the gift that keeps giving with new lessons to learn.
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