I use "I" a lot, so it's an autobiography

December 5th

Dear Jesus,

im not necessarily sure as to why i am writing this. to be honest if anything it's just a way to get rid of all these ideas in my head. i recently started becoming more like the person that i used to be and that's not the best of thing in the world. my head gets filled up with these thoughts that haunt me till the dawn of day, and the longer i think the more insane i become. dont get me wrong, i'm not crazy. i just have crazy thoughts. like what will happen to me when i die, or what if someone that i really love goes before i do. its thoughts like this that keep me awake all night and into the abyss of the darkness. today is one of those days again. back in the darkness almost as in we had a time and place to meet up at every night. i had just come home from a "date" with a girl. to be honest i just want to fuck her. obviously that didn't happen since we had only met a couple of times before today. but i mean i got a decent handjob and blowjob so i can't complain. if you think i'm telling you this to brag, you're definitely right. and now, after a long day of work and my sexual desires being somewhat fulfilled, one would think that sleep is what i would be doing right now. the sad part is no. im not even close to getting that for the night. i kinda want to go now, but before i do i must rant a bit more about the struggles that i am facing. not too long ago i remember my only tough decision was if i should buy that slice of pizza before going home or not. but nowadays, i have money to buy for even a second person. but thats just it. i havent found a second person. you could say that right now im basically friendless. hows that a problem, you might as. well as a person of normal civilization, i like to think that if the only people i regularly talk to are co-workers then i should start to try and have a social life. and dont get me wrong, im pretty good with the ladies. im just having a hard time having them come my way. i miss the relationship feeling. the love, the lust, the need to have someone always by your side. i crave that. i crave attention the same way pregnant women crave chocolate or some shit they like. i feel lonely without a woman to love in my life. and thats saying a lot considering that im really selfless. if anything, i should probably stay away from them as much as possible. 

Lots of amor, 

- Chuy