Still Breathing

December 4

"Sorry if I seemed rude earlier at church, now, to what's been on my mind.

Ok, well apparently I'm a problem to you and Jake. Don't tell me I'm not. I'm not stupid. But blaming ur insecurities on me is bull. I. Am. Not. Trying. To. Push. You. Guys. Apart. It. Is. All. In. Your. Heads. And if it takes me not being around for u to realize that it's NOT me it's YOU then that's how it'll be. And if this has anything to do with youth convention, I wasn't really hanging out with you guys because when I tried to YOU THREE WOULD PUSH ME OUT OF THE CONVERSATION SO I DECIDED IT WASN'T WORTH MY TIME TO TRY.
I get it, you don't like me, but don't pretend. I'm not part of your group anymore and that's fine. I'm used to being left behind and forgotten.
Sorry if this is too blunt. But guess what, that's just how I am."

This is where I'm starting I guess. She was a close friend, someone I thought I could trust, but you can see the evidence of that. I still love her. Part of me always will, but right now I'm suffocating in my tears, I'm shocked by the pain it brought, and it left me paralyzed. I dont know what is supposed to happen next. Where do you go after your best friend accuses you of stuff that didn't happen? How do you move on? How do you breathe?