Her words were sharp. It was as though she enjoyed the fight , the act of releasing her lungs until her throat was dry or the way she would clench her hands so hard that only the very tips would flicker white.
Her name was Kay .
Her eyes were a dark jet black and were full of pure fury . I could see it brewing within her , writhing in the deepest corners of her soul .It was summoning her , the way she used to summon me I guess . As I emerged from my thoughts I regained the ability to scream . Loud . "Get out , god , who gives you the right to be here " I spat.Her face droped and I thought bitterly that she deserved a taste of her own medicine .
Building up the nerve I managed to say "just pack your boxes and get out and don't worry about the pictures ,I'll smash them when your gone ." All I could hear was the swift clap of her heels . " are you daring me to speak ? Because I sure as hell don't have anything to say to you" she drawled icily and turns the corner into her room passing the countless photos of us lined on there walls . Some dating as far back as our childhood days with gap teeth smiles and braided hair . I look closely at one of us when we joined the varsity basketball team all smiley, Kay hugging an all too familiar face with hazel brown eyes and dark skin .i sink back into the drawr next to me and regret what I'm about to say "this wasn't just high school Kay "
"Well maybe it is "she drawls out . I cringed at the sight of her as she backs out of the darkness I can now see how bad she looks .her eyes were a dark shade of crimson bloodshot with tears and her hair was matted almost like a rats. " how is this anything like what happened , he was my god damn fiancé not a freshman fling" I yell rage building up inside of me .Her makeup was damp and her face seemed to melt into her skin leaving a terrifying motion of crinkling whenever she moves . she cackles into my face revealing a row of a pearly white teeth all glinmering . Her smile was always a little too wide , something of a serpent someone once said . That description seems quite fitting now
"Aww don't look so glum " she coos , her voice dripping with sarcasm. " stop it "I mumble .Slowly she sways forward on the balls of her toes , rocking closer and closer . " no really it's ok " I bite my tounge knowing what was next . " I was doing you a favour anyway " . Touché . That's what I had said to her 5 years ago when I had made the biggest mistake of my life .spending a night with her boyfriend . something she never has and never will forgive me for . He was the boy in the photo staring into her eyes lovingly and I was the skank he hooked up with once next to him. I consider screaming back but within a second she leans in close enough that I can feel her breath on my neck. She's close enough for me to stare at a stray eyelash . I stare at it as it falls violently to the ground . "Well it's not like it was his first time anyway " she smirks.
what
a
fucking
Bitch
I stood there feeling as though my heart had been siringed , a part of me felt like a devoid of life. A slight pressure amounted in my neck and I let out a full and shallow whimper . My boyfriend wasn't a jerk at all . he was one of the only people who valued me .He made me feel special because he embraced my stupi quirks like pijama night and insisting on having corn fritters pretty much every Monday . He sung to Maria Cary with me on our first date and bought me my very first pair of nikes because he said they made me look badass , whatever that means . he always craved me and even though He knew what I had done to Kay he I never expected he would do something like that . Do something like i did
"how many times?" I whimper ,my eyes averted to a crack in the floorboards.god I sound like such a wimp. " does it really matter , I mean god if your thinking about taking him back your pathetic" she spits . I thought about how she didn't know what it truly felt like to be alone before all of this , all I had was empty one night stands but never someone to hold me at night . With her it was different , she didn't have to try and I hated her for it .
" It hurts less to pretend everything's ok and she knows it.I lift my head and my eyes meet hers and for a second . A tear rolls down my face and I stop shaking in an Attempt to stop acting so pathetic. Our gaze lingers and , her top lip twitches , she leans forward and I feel like she's going to lean into me and apologise . She's going to tell me it was all a messed up joke and she really does care but Then I guess Kay doesent rally like surprises . She opens her mouth "honestly , just get a grip"
Rage. It writhes within me clawing and scratching as it rises like bile from within me. I need a grip? "I scream into her face."Your in my fucking apartment? Weres the home that you seem to have a grip on weres YOUR job ?" I spit harshly , the words rolling like daggers .
She shrugs and straightens grimy black dress " you know I did have one , a long time ago." She looks up and for the first time I see that her sadness out ways her anger . She just stands there boring her eyes into my head " you know the story " her intense gaze was nothing like the laughter minutes ago. She waits a second then leans back onto my old drawer. " Ben was mine, the house was mine , damn I even the stupid dog was mine And now?! " her voice cracks " now all I have is you ." "And you know what that means ? "She lets out a shaky breath.
"I have nothing ."
*****
I think back to a time when even as a kid She was the type of person that only ever reached an end once something was broken .Well this time I was broken , fucking shattered , and my heart lay there lifeless ,leaking with all the memories we had ever shared . All the nights spent at daves house by the creek and the giggling heard from Katie's barn . We were inseparable and now all we have is space between us .
the words kept bouncing around my head " I did , Ben was mine , it's gonna be ok".But I guess Things weren't all bad at the start .We were a bunch of teenage girls drinking till the early hours and sneaking out ,sharing our darkest secrets in the safety of my crumbling treehouse .Thinking back now I can honestly say that our fights hadn't started out bad . Stupid gossip and bickering , usually about boys or our opinion on one of valley highs teachers . That was up until Our first real fight . grade 9 . Something that should be so insignificant in my life but a day that still gives me chills. I can honestly say that was the first time I had felt real pain. She knew me and she knew which way to twist the knife , and each time it got a little deeper. She knew exactly what to say and just how to say it
Suddenly the silence stoped and all I can hear is the rough spray of insults leaving Kay's mouth .Letters curled off of her tounge and were spat into words I don't think are appropriate even to recount . But it's important to establish that I tried to calm her , I really did but still she kept shouting as her eyes darkened into the pools of rage Blinding any hope of sanity. I sat there feeling the pure hatrid and astonishment pour out of her mouth I could feel her hand aching towards my hazy blue lamp post. It was faded now , just like us I guess. It made me think back to a time were it was new , when we were new .
It was a present . The lamp I mean . I spent hours making , sewing in all the faded pieces of material making sure it was the exact shade she liked (I had actually ran to the bus because I had to wait in line at The old material shop .) and even faced a scolding from mum because I used her money for it . Along with an array of other objects the lamp was always one of the first crammed into the moving truck along with family pictures and trophies and once she left for college she even brought it to her dorm .
But as I sat there drinking in little of what she was screaming on about I felt pain . Pain in the darkest pit of my stomach that even though this was just Kay , I had a felling that this fight was going to be the breaking point . Through the muffled screaming I hear the words " it's just like you isn't it ? you never belonged here anyway" and I flick my gaze up just in time to see the tremendous orchestra of a scream and a blunt clatter of clay.
Shards Whent flying around the room and landed haphazardly . My jaw clenched and even though no words could come out I'm sure my eyes made it pretty clear that this was it . This time she had stepped way over the line . She was destructive . With Not a flicker of regret she wrenched the lamp out of its socket and let her fingers brush past it as it fell to the ground.
I look down at the array of glass and ripped pieces of the lampshade and think back to the crash and how it crumbled into the ground taking with it all the respect I ever held for that bitch .
