Shattered

SHATTERED- The Murder of Innocence

I was there....
When she took me one night from my bed...
When she led me to their bedroom...
I was there... when she lay me on their bed and started to undress me.
"Is it bath time already mummy?" I asked in all my childishness. She just looked and gave no answer.
I was there, when I felt him come on top of me and I tried to fight with all the little strength I had...

I was there, when mummy held me down as he did the unspeakable, she covered my mouth to stop me from screaming...
I was there... when he took my innocence away...
I was there... when they told me not to speak a word of it to anyone...
She took me to my room and cleaned up my innocence. She lay me in bed and threatened me once more, to beat me should I tell anyone...

I cried my little self to sleep.
Maybe it was the right thing, I tried to convince my naive self; knowing deep down, that it was wrong...
Many nights the abuse continued. They told me it was normal for daddy to do that to me and slowly I started to believe.
I was there... when he took away my humanity...
I was there when he took away my esteem...
I was there...when I felt my heart turn cold...
When the hatred for myself and men was birthed...

One day decided to ask my mother when it will end, I was tired of the pain, the guilt, and the shame, the beating I got reminded me why I had been silent all these years: Fear.

And so I continued to endure; knowing if I tried to resist; he would beat up mummy and then I, the way he usually does - or worse...
I was there... when I prayed to God wondering when my misery will end. Many nights I cried until I became numb to grief.
I was there, when the monster fell sick...
I was there, when the monster became almost skeletal...
I was there when the monster died...when the people concluded he was bewitched...
Others said, he had the virus, still yet, he was gone...
I was there when the monster was buried... after a long time, I finally cried...
They thought I was grieving, little did they know, they were tears of joy...
"Maybe now things will be better", I thought, " maybe now mummy will love me, maybe now mummy will hug me the way my friend's mothers hug them, maybe now mummy won't be angry at me anymore, maybe now she can give me the hug I've always wanted and tell me it's going to be OK, ...maybe, just I was there....
When she took me one night from my bed...
When she led me to their bedroom...
I was there... when she lay me on their bed and started to undress me.
"Is it bath time already mummy?" I asked in all my childishness. She just looked and gave no answer.
I was there, when I felt him come on top of me and I tried to fight with all the little strength I had...
I was there, when mummy held me down as he did the unspeakable, she covered my mouth to stop me from screaming...
I was there... when he took my innocence away...
I was there... when they told me not to speak a word of it to anyone...
She took me to my room and cleaned up my innocence. She lay me in bed and threatened me once more, to beat me should I tell anyone...
I cried my little self to sleep.
Maybe it was the right thing, I tried to convince my naive self; knowing deep down, that it was wrong...
Many nights the abuse continued. They told me it was normal for daddy to do that to me and slowly I started to believe.
I was there... when he took away my humanity...
I was there when he took away my esteem...
I was there...when I felt my heart turn cold...
When the hatred for myself and men was birthed...
One day decided to ask my mother when it will end, I was tired of the pain, the guilt, and the shame, the beating I got reminded me why I had been silent all these years: Fear.
And so I continued to endure; knowing if I tried to resist; he would beat up mummy and then I, the way he usually does - or worse...
I was there... when I prayed to God wondering when my misery will end. Many nights I cried until I became numb to grief.
I was there, when the monster fell sick...
I was there, when the monster became almost skeletal...
I was there when the monster died...when the people concluded he was bewitched...
Others said, he had the virus, still yet, he was gone...
I was there when the monster was buried... after a long time, I finally cried...
They thought I was grieving, little did they know, they were tears of joy...
"Maybe now things will be better", I thought, " maybe now mummy will love me, maybe now mummy will hug me the way my friend's mothers hug them, maybe now mummy won't be angry at me anymore, maybe now she can give me the hug I've always wanted and tell me it's going to be OK, ...maybe, just maybe..."
The first night without him was almost heaven, I cried as I thought "No more will I have to sleep in fear, no more will I have to prepare myself for pain, no more."
After a week or two of peaceful sleep, although the nightmares seemed to be worse than the harsh reality I had come to know, I came back from school and found a man.
I thought it was a visitor, mummy told me "this is your new daddy".
I felt a lump in my throat, were my fears coming back to haunt me?
His kind eyes met mine, I thought maybe he is not a monster.
Maybe they are not all the same...
Maybe he will treat mummy better, he won't hurt me, just maybe.
Everything was a shade of perfect for some time, I finally had a father, and he would protect me.
He was not a monster...
Until one night, he came back drunk. He had lost his job, he blamed my mother for his loss. I could hear the screams form their room, I could hear mummy being bashed against the wall. I cried and I thought, 'was this my destiny? To enjoy only temporary happiness?'
Then everything went silent...
My bedroom door opened, the stench of alcohol making it almost impossible to breathe.
He lay beside me, passing his hands though my long, African hair; "Your mummy is useless", he whispered, "She is bad luck. Nothing good has happened since I married her... you are a beautiful girl, but you're always sad. Today I will make you happy". He started to undress me, I tried to fight, but I remembered the beating I got from the last time I tried to resist the last monster... and I gave in.
The pain was all too new.
I cried more than I had ever done...
He got up from on top of me and threatened me, in tears I knew the process, he did not have to threaten me, and I knew what I was supposed to do...
I fell asleep, praying that this monster should get sick too and that he should die...
I woke up the next morning, there was silence then I heard digging in the backyard. I looked out the window and saw him burying a blanket. Something seemed to be wrapped under it. I stepped back and walked to their room to check on mummy but she was not there...
I went outside to ask him where mummy was, he hit me and told me he does not know. Tears streaming down my face, I ran inside the house. Then it dawned on me; I knew what had happened, MUMMY was DEAD, he killed her. I knew now that my nightmare had reincarnated.
This wa[truncated by WhatsApp] ..."
The first night without him was almost heaven, I cried as I thought "No more will I have to sleep in fear, no more will I have to prepare myself for pain, no more."
After a week or two of peaceful sleep, although the nightmares seemed to be worse than the harsh reality I had come to know, I came back from school and found a man.
I thought it was a visitor, mummy told me "this is your new daddy".
I felt a lump in my throat, were my fears coming back to haunt me?
His kind eyes met mine, I thought maybe he is not a monster.
Maybe they are not all the same...
Maybe he will treat mummy better, he won't hurt me, just maybe.
Everything was a shade of perfect for some time, I finally had a father, and he would protect me.
He was not a monster...
Until one night, he came back drunk. He had lost his job, he blamed my mother for his loss. I could hear the screams form their room, I could hear mummy being bashed against the wall. I cried and I thought, 'was this my destiny? To enjoy only temporary happiness?'
Then everything went silent...
My bedroom door opened, the stench of alcohol making it almost impossible to breathe.
He lay beside me, passing his hands though my long, African hair; "Your mummy is useless", he whispered, "She is bad luck. Nothing good has happened since I married her... you are a beautiful girl, but you're always sad. Today I will make you happy". He started to undress me, I tried to fight, but I remembered the beating I got from the last time I tried to resist the last monster... and I gave in.
The pain was all too new.
I cried more than I had ever done...
He got up from on top of me and threatened me, in tears I knew the process, he did not have to threaten me, and I knew what I was supposed to do...
I fell asleep, praying that this monster should get sick too and that he should die...
I woke up the next morning, there was silence then I heard digging in the backyard. I looked out the window and saw him burying a blanket. Something seemed to be wrapped under it. I stepped back and walked to their room to check on mummy but she was not there...
I went outside to ask him where mummy was, he hit me and told me he does not know. Tears streaming down my face, I ran inside the house. Then it dawned on me; I knew what had happened, MUMMY was DEAD, he killed her. I knew now that my nightmare had reincarnated.
This was only the beginning ...