Dear Connor

Thursday May 21, 2009.

Dear Connor,

So I'm in history, we actually have a sub today, he has some golf thing to go to today, (finally lol) he's not gone often so I well our class enjoys him being gone, you know how he is, you had him a year before I got here. I'm supposed to be working on this chapter, but I already finished it, you know how I am about getting things done early so I don't have to do them latter. I had gym last period and it was another easy day last day for dressing out too, we give up our lockers on Monday. So the rest of the time in first period will be sitting on the bleachers. Yay! I think ill probably read. Or maybe ill just write to you whichever seems right. So I don't know if I told you, but I've gotten into routines. And I can keep them, that totally helps me you know?

Hey so I'm in criminal justice now. It's like the last ten minutes of class. I just finished a police report or two. He had us watch a cops and 48 hours video. Uhh I am so tired of them, like I haven't watched them enough growing up. Not trying to complain but you know, I know I want to be a cop and all but I can write a pretty decent police report for being 16. Everyone says I have a great eye for things, well yeah when you grow up around cops what can you expect??? But I do freaken love this class, I know this is what I was meant to do when I got older, which I guess is kinda where we are now in a way. Ugh I feel like I'm ranting but I don't know, you know? I'm passing this class with an A anything less then that and I would be disappointed in myself. With a family full of female cops there is no reason I cant pass.

Ok so I am in math early. Ugh, this is the second year I've had math 7 period, which person is mean to do that? I am so lazy by seventh period why would I want to work? Oh yeah the teacher had you and wont let me get away with not working. You wouldn't believe how really lame that is. Every teacher you had here that I had or have had they have such high expectations because they know I knew you. So Kiki keeps me sane now. And moms old friend Becky, she and her kids moved back, which is so cool, you remember them right? She had the 3 kids that were kinda around our ages. (Well some around our ages)

I spent a lot of time with Jordan after you moved the first time. It was that or go hangout with dad. Umm yeah I pick the kid my age over him any day. I wish me and him got along better you know? Why is he always such an ass to me, like dude I am the only woman besides our families that has put up with your ass this long don't push it I can still leave. He is supposed to be coming over this weekend to keep me company while everyone goes camping. We don't even need to discuss why I am not going. It would be very wrong. So I am stuck with him, I give him 12 hours before I can make him mad enough to leave. He thinks he is gonna stay the whole weekend uh huh like I'm going to let that happen. He can come back Sunday right before everyone gets back. Math seriously needs to start I'm getting bored and your probably laughing at me. :P I know I don't always talk like I write.

Okay so math did start and I am listening but it is going to be one of those days where she explains it and it goes in one ear and out the other. And I am writing notes on everything on the board plus just some ones I need. What did she say last time we turned in our notebooks, oh ari if you turned in your homework as nice as you did your note books you would have about a 95 or higher in here, you take such good notes, but you never show work on your homework and rarely on your tests. Yep why because sometimes I know what I'm doing and can do it in my head. Blah! I am probably going to need help on tonight's homework so ill stop into the room to get it done before I head home.

I feel sleepy can I have a cup of coffee? Nah I know I want one but I cant have one, so glad a frap with a double shot doesn't count. Yeah I know I got out of the no coffee until October thing. But can you blame me its starbucks. Do they have starbucks in heaven? Let me know before I get there so I know weather to have them burry me with some k? sorry that was kinda not the right thing to say.

Did I tell you they made a facebook page for you and everyone writes about all these memories they have with you. It secretly drives me crazy, like don't go on how your so sad that he died, why aren't you asking if his family is ok, has anyone asked your parents if they need any help with anything, or seen if your sisters need someone to talk to, or if your brothers need a hug. Stop being selfish and go to his family first, no one wants to hear about all the good things you did. Sorry I don't mean to sound mad at you, but we all knew what a great person you were, EVERYONE KNEW THAT. I cant look and see someone post something good about it, when I'm still crying everyday, and it makes me feel bad being angry, but I don't live close to your family if I did I would help them out, I don't get why no one is. Everyone is too caught up on what they feel about loosing you. I can go on and on about that, but I wont.

I have not been to church since you died. I am so sorry about that, because I know you want me to go, and I want to go, but how can god expect me to forgive him after he took you from me. I feel so lost about it, my mind argues with my heart and my heart hurts so it wins. Its logical verses emotional, when has my emotional side ever won? Umm never. I am a logical person always have been.

Anyway I am gonna let you go now, i love you, i hope your having fun and being safe. ~ari