Tears Of Joy// Remus Lupin

Tears of Joy

James, Sirius and Peter were getting more and more suspicious about his monthly disappearences and it was getting harder and harder for him to invent new excuses about why and were he left every month. The thought of his only friends finding out his secret and looking at him with fear and disgust, that he knew too well, was heartbreaking.

He, Remus Lupin, had been an outsider for his whole life since he was four years old and a malicious werewolf called Fenrir Greyback bit him. Little did he know then, that that bite would bring his whole life upside down.

After that horrid night, his father was the first one to leave him. The man just couldn't take it anymore. The full moons, the poverty and the shame to have a half-breed as a son were just too much for him.

His grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins followed suit as soon as they found out. Who wanted a dangerous dark creature in their family anyway? The sad part was that Remus didn't really blame them. He was a monster after all.

But for some reason his mother never left. She worked hard to feed and take care of him and it hurt her so much to see her boy so alone and in pain, especially around the full moons. She did her best to make sure that he had everything he needed for living, but what she didn't realize, was that there was still one thing that his son needed really bad. And it was her time.

Remus didn't really have many friends for almost seven years ether. Not from the Wizard nor the Muggle world. He couldn't risk to get too close with anyone. Not especially after that one time.

He had got too close with a boy from his neighbourhood and they had become the best of friends. But as espected, it didn't last for long. Remus had trusted the boy and told him his secret. At first the boy had just laughed, because he thought it was a joke. But when he had seen Remus's serious and slightly embarrased expression, he had punched Remus on the face, shouted at him and run away. The harsh, scared and disgusted words that the boy, who he had once had called a friend, had said, were even more painful than his first transformation. Since that day, Remus's only friends had been his second-hand books and own wondering thoughts.

But then, after over six and a half miserable and very long years, came his Hogwards letter. He could still remember his mothers amazed expression and how he had felt something that he hadn't felt in a very long time. ​​​Hope.

It had been a firm fact for many years, that he could never join a school for wizards and witches, so it came as a total surprise when the headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, had come to his house one late summer evening. He had invited Remus personally to his school and assured that he had arraged a safe place for him where he could go through his transformations without hurting anyone. Well, except himself. But he had grown almost used to it. Almost.

So he had of course accepted the offer and as he had hoped, Hogwards was much better than being home alone and miserable. And that had been thanks to the fact that for a long time in his life, he had got friends.

At first, when Sirius Black, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew had become his dormmates and tried to get to know him, he had shut himself in completely. Everytime he had thought to even talk to them, he had heard the hurting words of his former friend from years ago in his head. Monster. Freak. And it had made him remember that he wasn't normal. He didn't deserve friends.

But then again, there had been a part of him that had actually wanted to be friends with them. There was just something so marvellous and fastastic about his three fellow first years that he just couldn't ignore them anymore. They were laud (well except for Peter), clever and funny and there was just that something that had got Remus's attention.

And then one day as he had sat in the Gryffindor common room doing his homework, he had overhead the three boys, sitting on the couch next to him, laughing and joking about some new prank they had had in their minds. And when James had imitated a very angry professor McGonagall, Remus just couldn't help a small chuckle espace his mouth. The three boys had turned on him immedeatly with wide, astonished eyes. Remus had quickly looked away, embarrased for being caught laughing at them, but after a moment of silence, he looked back and saw huge grins on their faces.