The Whole Thing

The Part With The Flirting Woman

The trolley wheel was stunted. Every time Julian tried to push the cart, it would go in the absolute wrong direction. He just wanted to get through this expedition as quickly as possible as his temper was easily aggravated and yet, here he was, about to be red in the face because of a shopping trolley.

"I'd get a new one if I was you"

Julian shot his head up to find a woman grinning at him.

"I can handle it" He hot-headedly said.

He tried pushing it again but this time it wouldn't budge at all.

"Clearly" She chuckled.

She dawdled over to him and took the few items out of his trolley and into hers.

"What are you doing?"

"We can share" She insisted, "Clearly you're not planning on buying much and neither am I"

Julian wanted to be opposed to the idea, he couldn't make friends here. He wasn't allowed to. Yet, he was caught off guard by her beauty. She was tall, not taller than him but tall. She had long blonde hair and long, smooth legs. She had fawn coloured eyes and a few freckles to spot her face. Her smile melted him.

He carried on shopping and talking to her. He didn't mean to talk his head off so much but it was a relief talking to someone who didn't know his whole life story. There were things he was obliged to leave out but other than that, she seemed to thoroughly enjoy his stories.

At the end, he carried her bags to her car and she awkwardly kissed his cheek. He froze up when she was leaning in but his tension released when he realised she wasn't planning on pecking his lips. Her hands on his chest felt foreign and when she moved them away, Julian missed the new found sensation. She had done that gorgeous smile and with all the confidence in the world, gave him her number.

She was all Julian could think about as he made his way back to his Californian hotel.

When he pulled up in the parking lot, he sniffed his coat to make sure he didn't smell like the woman's perfume. He checked the mirror to ensure he still wasn't blushing. When he was satisfied enough, and after a few deep breaths, he made his way to his room.

He struggled to unlock the door but when he did, he was not surprised to be greeted with the barrel of a gun.

"Honey, I'm home" He bitterly said as Noel lowered his weapon.

Noel slouched back without a word, tucking the revolver into his belt and returning to his seat at the window. Julian just rolled his eyes as Noel peeped out of the blinds and turned the radio back up. Four years since the escape and life had come to this.

Julian carried the grocery bags into their makeshift kitchen, all the whilst listening to the news report humming through their shabby radio. He watched as Noel took a swig of whiskey and tried not to care.

"How was your day?"

Noel just grunted, taking another peek out of the plastic blinds.

"Did you get anymore whiskey?"

"No, it's a filthy habit"

Noel grunted again and finally tore his eyes away from the window to glare at Julian.

"Aight, gimme the keys"

"As if. You haven't left this place in two weeks"

"I need my fuel, you prick. Why couldn't ya have just gotten it for me?"

"I got distracted"

"Fuck off, you said you did it on fucking purpose"

"No. I said it was a filthy habit. I didn't do it on purpose"

Julian made his way over to the bed and picked up the remote for the television but Noel's look burned so hard into his hand, he didn't even bother.

There are cameras everywhere, the walls, the lights, the television - according to Noel Fielding. He had already ripped the wallpaper, something Julian was not looking forward to explaining to the hotel manager. Julian was not allowed to use any appliance without Noel's consent. The radio was always allowed, however, to listen to the news and tap into police reports.

"Whatcha get distracted by then?"

"A woman. A beautiful woman"

"Did you fuck her?"

"Should I have?"

"No... She was probably a spy, someone undercover"

Julian audibly scoffed and stared down the petulant, paranoid freak.

"Is that the only reason?!" Julian growled, "I hate you. I really fucking hate you, do you know that?"

"Feeling is mutual"

In his rage, Julian grabbed the near-empty bottle of whiskey and threw it at the wall. Noel sat in horror as he watched the glass shards scatter all over the bed and the floor and the stench of whiskey plague the room forever. He turned his gaze to Julian, who seemed to have regretted that impulsive action.

"The fuck is your problem?"

Noel stood up, shoving past Julian to get to his bedside table. He pulled out a flask that was hidden amongst inside his underwear drawer and quickly took a sip.

Julian sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. With tears in his eyes, he combed his fingers through his hair and took a shaky breath.

"Do you love me anymore? Did you ever love me?"

Noel ignored him and returned to his setup at the window. He obnoxiously turned the radio up to drown Julian out but he just ended up shouting anyway.

"This isn't the same. We're not the same. Maybe... maybe..."

"We should break up? Yeah, then you can go fuck that pretty lady from the corner store. What a dream"

"And this is? She was the highlight of my week, my year. Look at you, Noel! You're a mess. You can't even leave these four walls"

"So you're going to leave me when I need you the most?"

Noel stared at him with his sensitive, guilting, blue eyes and it only made Julian aggravated.

"You only don't want me to leave so I can do your chores for you. So I go out and buy the essentials, so I can organise our next safe haven, so I cover our tracks - your messy tracks! So I can hold you at night, not because it's from love but it's from fear. You need a bodyguard not a fiancé"

Noel was really hurt by all those remarks but he was too stubborn to lose the fight. He took a deep breath, hesitating to say his next attack but if Julian was cruel enough to renege on their engagement, he could do this. He licked his lips and looked to his lap.

"Go then. You can go be with your dying kid anyway. Try and fuck your wife while you're there, it'll be the icing on the cake"

"He is sick. He isn't dying"

"Yeah righto, check my pillow case" Noel huffed, nervously looking out of the blinds again.

Julian didn't hesitate to storm to his pillow case and pull out the letter with trembling hands. As he read the horrible statements scribbled across the page, dating back two whole weeks ago, he realised just how cruel Noel was. He was not the man he had pledged his life to.

With such ferocity, Julian stormed over to Noel and tore off the chain that held his engagement ring and threw it at him. He spat at his feet as he grabbed the keys and headed to the door. He twisted the knob and was not surprised at all when Noel raised his gun at him for the second time today.

"You can't leave"

"My son is sick"

"Why the fuck does your wife have our address anyway?"

"I'm leaving"

"No! You can't leave me" Noel begged, "I love you. I need you. I want to marry you"

"Should've acted like it"

With all the confidence in the world, knowing that Noel would definitely not kill him, Julian left the room.