I Love You But I Can't Breathe

Chapter Twenty Six

Harry softened at Louis' touch, leaning in closer to the other boy, closing all the space that Louis had tried to leave. "And I turned into a mermaid?" He asked, eyes searching Louis' like he could find the answers there.  

"Yeah, you finally weren't in pain anymore," Louis said wistfully, before clearing his throat a bit. He wasn't supposed to feel this attached to a dream, but parts of it were so hard to let go of. "That was close to when I started to wake up," he added. "Things got kind of confusing for me. I kept hearing voices... I guess I was starting to hear the people in the room with me or something."  

"So you basically dreamed a way for me to not be in pain anymore?" Harry asked. 

"Mhm," Louis said, and he was still tracing patterns on Harry's wrist. 

"And I loved you?" Harry asked quietly. 

"Yeah," Louis replied, trying to keep his voice from breaking. "Yeah you did. And you loved your mum a lot," he added trying to veer the subject away. The pain of losing Harry was confusing but it still felt real to Lou. Despite the fact that he'd woken up, despite the fact that Harry was real, Harry was here, it was disorienting to feel like he'd lost his partner, his husband- that he'd become a stranger overnight. 

"It was just me and my mum?" Harry asked quietly, his face dropping. 

"Yeah," Louis replied. In the past few days, Anne had been the only one visiting Harry, and Louis just assumed she was the only family he had. 

"I had a sister and a step-dad," Harry said quietly. "I wasn't the only one in the fire," he said, answering the question Louis was too scared to ask. 

"I'm so sorry, Harry, I didn't-"

Harry turned away for a second. "Tell me about our wedding," he whispered, gazing at his oxygen tank that was sitting by the side of his bed, connected to the tubes under his nose. 

"Our...?" 

"How did you propose?" 

"First of all, you wouldn't stop nagging me to do it," Louis said. Harry full on laughed, his eyes glimmering. "So one day I told you I was taking you out to a really nice dinner and then I got Niall to bring you. And he opened the door and wheeled you down the aisle and I was at the other end and there was so much crying, but happy crying. Oh, and I never actually proposed so I kind of just did it on the spot, but I think you were too happy to care."

"I was in a wheelchair?" Harry asked. "My legs were... they were injured right? Did I have the oxygen tank with me? And you still... you were still with me? It wasn't... it wasn't a problem?" 

That stammered out question was what finally helped Louis understand Harry's curiosity about Louis' dreams. They weren't coming from a boy who was just bored and needed some entertainment and they weren't coming from someone who was ready to make fun of him like Louis had feared. They were coming from someone who had lost almost all of his family, who had possibly spent months worrying that no one would ever love him again now that he was different than he was before, now that his legs were scarred and damaged and now that he had the oxygen tank with him. He'd seen Harry wheel in and out of the room once or twice for his physical therapy appointments, and he was still uncomfortable in the chair- judging by his broader build, he must have been fairly active before the accident, and Louis could only imagine how upsetting and frustrating it would feel like to have all of that change so quickly. 

"They, um, they didn't know if they were going to have to amputate anything at first?" Harry rambled, his voice rising at the end as he seemed to be fighting the urge to cry. "But I can still move them a bit so they get to stay. But it doesn't look like it'll be enough to be able to walk again. I just don't feel like myself anymore," he said, eyes welling up. "And that's so fucking selfish to even think because my sister and my dad aren't even-" Harry sniffled a bit. "It's all so stupid, it's just... I mean, you wouldn't ever be with me in real life. I'm like, the quiet one and, and I don't really have many friends and you're like, the popular loudmouth jock who everyone likes."

I've already fallen for you twice, Louis wanted to say.   

"And now I'm all fucked up and-"

"You're still the most beautiful person I've seen in my life," Louis confessed, words falling off his tongue as Harry looked up at him with gentle green eyes. "And caring and sweet and patient and-"

Harry cut him off with a kiss- the sweetest interruption Louis could've asked for. Harry's lips were slow and curious, and a little hesitant until Louis started reciprocating. The kiss was familiar for Louis and wonderfully new to Harry. 

"I should ask you to dinner or something to like, actually get to know you properly," Harry whispered, curling up against Louis' chest. "But you're stuck here with all your head injuries and I obviously can't get very far at the moment..." 

"Will you get some cafeteria jello with me tomorrow?" Louis asked, resting his arm carefully on the small of Harry's back. 

"I'd love that." 

Harry's smile was more vivid than it ever had been in Louis' dream, and the two giggled before coming together again for a soft kiss. There was something so beautiful and so delicate about love coming together after pain, and the fact that Louis got to go through it all over again after waking up, didn't feel like a burden anymore but rather a beautiful, green eyed blessing.

The End.