I didn't know one person could do this to me

She lived further than ever and without her, my heart had a void. I have yet to fill that void, which has done nothing but make me feel like I am hovering over an endless ocean. Without her, I'm not as confident. She may have not left what was the most important thing to her yet, but I have. I'm left with no friends, no confidence, and a feeling of numbness every time I think of her. Without her, I feel like nothing.

      She really was the most important person in my life. I haven't met someone that made me feel the same way. Now I question everything. I'm afraid of making mistakes.  Afraid to make mistakes because I fear I wouldn't be able to make more friends. I am desperate to feel the way I used to feel with her.

      Without her, I feel left out. All of my friends all have friends that they've known for years, we only knew each other for a year and it was like we were best friends since the day we were born.

       So without her, i looked under me and see an ocean. It's like I'm racing something and I'm struggling to stay in the air. It's hard not to feel invisible when no one else is there and my hear racing so much it drops and aches.

       But the twist in this is, I kind of want to be like this. I still have hope and I have to be patient. Even though it hurts, pain soon goes away. I don't want to be seen and I don't want to be hurt.

       Forget everything's and just live. I want friends, ones that I can talk to and not feel left out. But that only comes with a new start that I don't want. So I'm stuck. I remain hovering over water with the void in my heart and the numbness all over waiting to win. And when I'm finished, I would have a better life, I'll have better friends, I'll feel closer to my friends.

       But the finish line is no where in sight an I have no clue when I'll stop struggling but all I know is that I won't get what I want if I stop and fall into the water and end it.

So my best friend moved after the first year we knew each other and I felt like we knew each other for more then a year and this was the effect of her move. I haven't felt like myself since and I haven't been as confident and I feel left and that naturally leads up to the feeling of being alone and that no one cares about me. You didn't have to read this, but if you did, thanks. I just needed to write this and not on paper nor keep it personal.