La Petite Fleur

Désespoir

When he could stand it no longer, he took a seat and fell asleep almost immediately. The opening and closing of doors woke him and he rubbed his sore arm, feeling the bandage beneath the fabric of his shirt. He then rubbed his face wearily before rising to his feet.

He hadn't been standing for long when the door to Antoinette's room opened and Nat stepped out. When she saw him awake and on his feet, she froze and swallowed, wiping her previously worried expression clear. "Steve, she-"

His heart plummeted and he felt numb. "What? She's not dead. Is she?"

"No, but-"

"Then I can see her?"

She sighed and closed the door behind her. "The doctors want her resting and they think that seeing you might-" She broke off and tried again. "They don't want her to-"

"Natasha, what did she tell you?" he gasped, unable to keep it in.

She shook her head. "I'm sorry. They wanted details of the fight for the record and while I was telling them, she woke up. She asked where you were and I told her and she-" She paused again. "After calling you a few not so pleasant names, she asked me to keep you away."

He felt an even heavier weight settle on his mind. "She won't let me explain, will she?"

"I don't suggest you try," Natasha replied softly. "She seemed disturbed." After a long moment of hesitation, she asked, "What went so wrong? She seemed fine before. What happened to make her hate you?"

He sighed and rubbed a hand across his neck. "I- I don't know. I just...I wanted to protect her. I was supposed to keep her safe and now-"

"But what happened?"

"I didn't tell her about the Avengers. I was just trying to get her to trust me so I didn't say anything about the Helicarrier or the Battle for New York, or-"

"Being the Captain," she finished.

He nodded. "Yeah."

She seemed thoughtful for a few minutes as they stood in front of the door before she set her hand on the door again. "If she refuses you, don't push it, alright?"

Steve nodded, a gaping pit of anxiety opening up inside his chest. When he took the first few steps into the room, he knew immediately his cause was lost. Antoinette was fast asleep, resting against the pillows behind her. Her hair was loosely braided over one shoulder and the blankets had been pulled up to her waist. An empty chair was positioned beside the hospital bed and he sat, watching her face.

She looked tortured; her skin was pale and she was trembling slightly. Her breathing was slow but every inhale was quick and sharp. When he gently took her hand in his, her fingers were freezing.

"Antoinette," he whispered. No reaction, not even a twitch. He sighed and gave her hand a light squeeze. And there he sat for the rest of the day, not moving an inch unless the doctors asked him to. But he never left the room; not once, just in case she woke while he was gone. When exhaustion overtook his iron resolve, he let his head roll onto his chest and he sank into a vicious nightmare.

Steve kicked up the stand on the motorcycle and took off, weaving between leafy trees and thick trunks. The sound of the engine was unnaturally loud in the empty forest, but he knew he wasn't alone; his men were hidden in various bushes and tree stands along the way, ready to shoot HYDRA agents out of the path.

He sped along the predetermined trail and reviewed the carefully laid plan in his mind. But before the memory could finish, he was transported to the streets of Paris, sprinting after Antoinette and her captor. He was never going to make it in time. He could feel his feet pounding the pavement, but he wasn't moving. He tried running harder, faster, anything, everything- but the harder he struggled, the further away Antoinette got.

Just as he broke free of the invisible bonds, he was holding the shield on the train in the mountains. Bucky was clinging to the door, dangling over the open ravine. Steve leaned over the door to grab hold of his friend, but Bucky wasn't there. Instead, Antoinette was gripping the train door. When he offered her his hand, she shouted at him to get away. She called him a monster, an enemy, a plotter... a liar.

Despite what she said, he reached further and attempted to grab her hand. Just as his fingers closed over her wrist, she released the bar and her hand slipped through his fingers.

He woke with a start, breathing heavily but otherwise alright. When his eyes darted to Antoinette's face, her eyes were open and she was watching him with so much hatred, she could have burned him and not hurt him as much as she was now. "I thought I asked your friend to keep you away?" she hissed.

"I had to know you were alright," he mumbled lamely.

"I am fine. Now leave," she said.

"Let me explain," he begged.

Her expression became icy and he felt the temperature of the room drop. "Non! Everything you told me was a lie! Why should I listen to more?"

"Please, I did it to protect you-"

She swore and it startled him. "Protect me? Much good that did!"

"It wasn't supposed to happen like that," he muttered.

"Oh really?" she scoffed. "What was supposed to happen? Was I supposed to die? You abandoned me in the tunnels and then suddenly you are Captain America! Was anything you said true? Or was it all lies?"

"No. I didn't- it wasn't- Antoinette, please-" he pleaded, failing to formulate whole sentences.

"Non." Her voice broke and she transferred her glare from his face to the ceiling. "I do not want to hear it."

"Even if I swore to tell the whole truth from the very beginning?"

"Oui. Just leave, s'il vous plaît," she mumbled.

Steve knew she was serious when she used the formal tense. So she no longer considered him a friend.

Wearily, he stood and hesitated, praying she'd make a last second decision to call him back, but it never came. He left the room and passed the doctors without a word, meeting Natasha in the hallway. He shook his head and led the way out of the hospital.