I Want to Believe In Myself

Peas and Partners

With sweat running down her freckled cheeks, Dana reached her cabin. From the outside she could tell that it was old and that it probably didn't smell very good on the inside. Weathered and eroded, the small log cabin looked like something from a horror movie. She only hoped that unlike the horror movies that she'd seen, there would be no homicidal maniac roaming the woods with an axe.

"Hello?" She breathed as she opened the creaky door.  There was a bunk bed, a rocking chair, and small wooden desk in the corner. The sight of a green suitcase on the bottom bunk and a magazine tear-out poster of Sean Cassidy taped to the wall indicated that someone was already there.

"Oh, Hi!" A girl about Dana's age smiled as she held up another poster to the wall. "Could you help me hang this up?"

"Oh, of course." Dana said as she hurriedly put her belongings on the floor. She rushed to the girl and held the corners while her roommate taped the edges.

"Thanks," She dusted her hands, "I'm Ren. Ren Xiao. You?"

"Dana. Dana Scully."

"Nice to meet you, Dana. What school are you from?"

"Samuel Ogle High-- It's in Maryland."

"Oh, nice. Your school has a great engineering team."

"I didn't know that." Dana smiled.

"It's better than William Penn's. Believe me. I know. That's my school."

"I take it that you're from Philadelphia then?"

"Yup! Born and raised. Well, I wasn't technically born there. I was born in Hong Kong. My family moved to America when I was three."

Dana was immediately a little intimidated by Ren's outgoing personality. Dana was quite shy and quiet.

"My dad was stationed in Hong Kong a few years ago. It's a beautiful place. Have you been back since you've moved?"

"Sadly, no. My parents opened up a shop in China Town and now that's our life. I mean, even though I've lived here for most of my life I just feel out of place." Ren said as she took a seat on her bunk and unpacked her sheets and blanket.

"I know how it is to be far from home. My family finally moved back to where I was born after about twelve years of going from state to state and country to country." Dana carried her bag to the bunk bed and attempted to climb up the ladder with the heavy sack hanging from her shoulders.

"How do you deal with it?" Ren asked, looking up at her new friend that now sat on the bunk above her. Dana looked over the edge and down at Ren.

"I have this." She said as she picked up the cross necklace that delicately hung from her neck.

"You believe in that stuff?" She asked out of curiosity. Dana sat quietly, unsure of what to say.

"I kind of have to. If I didn't have something to believe in, how could I believe in myself?"

"Good point," Ren said as she thought about the unexpected burst of wisdom that had just come from her roommate, "Oh shoot," she whispered as she looked at her watch, "we're going to miss lunch!" The two girls booked it out of their cabin and down the trail to the mess hall.

Dana was still focused on what she had just told Ren at the cabin. She wasn't quite sure what she actually believed in. Ever since her mother had given her the cross necklace, Dana couldn't help but wonder if she truly believed in God or if she only did because her parents did. She found the Catholic religion to be beautiful and sacred, but she could not bring herself to truly believe in it all. Oh, but how desperately she wanted to believe.