The loss of a daughter

Life was good

I was 14 few days from being 15 when I ran into....well lets call him Axel. Axel was a friend of my brother. He had known me well pretty much my entire life. We went to the same church growing up and our church wasn't very big, just a small country church where everybody knows everybody. Axel is six years older than me but you wouldn't know it by looking at him. He always looked younger than he was but he acted his age. Me on the other hand I looked older and acted older. We never planned on anything happening between us, it just kinda did. But...I better not get ahead of myself. Let me start from the night that, little did I know, would change my life forever..oh by the way you can just call me.....well lets just say my name is Carrie.

I was going to a party with this guy I had been talking to for about a month. The party was at his friends cabin in the woods. We didn't know how to get there so we met up with some other people in a school parking lot to follow them there. A lot of people showed up at the parking lot and I didn't know anyone. When we were all getting in our cars to head out to the cabin a guy came up to me and said "Hey I know you from somewhere. What's your name?" He looked familiar. I knew I had met him before but I couldn't remember where and for some reason I had a uneasy feeling in my stomach that he knew my brother. So I gave him a quick smile walked away. The whole way to the cabin I kept trying to remember who he was. All I could think about is what if he does know my brother and tells him I'm going to this party! Will my brother be mad at? Will he tell mom and dad?

Once we arrived at the cabin I decided that there was no point in worry about that guy, he probably already forgot I even existed. Me and my date got out of the car and began to walk into the party when I heard someone behind me say "Carrie?" I turned around to see Axel starring at me. 

Fear filled my body instantly. I remembered who the guy in the parking lot was, he was Axel's cousin. I thought to myself oh shit this is it, Axel's gonna tell my brother Im at a party and then my parents will kill me. I smile and say hey! Nervous until he opens his arms to hug me and says "what are you doing here? Want a beer?" At that moment I knew I was in the clear and was able to relax and enjoy myself. We talked for what felt like hours. I didn't even remember I had came to the party with someone else until he came to check on me. He introduced himself to Axel and after a few mins of all of us talking Axel got up to go mingle with everyone else. 

The party was great I was having a blast drinking with everyone and making new friends until some asshole made a rude comment about my eye. You see my left eye doesn't turn to the left and so if i don't turn my entire body to when talking to a person on my left side, my left eye stays looking straight and my right eye turns to the left. At the time I was still kinda sensitive about it. Instead of saying something mean to him I just got up and walked outside. I tried not to let it bother me but my eyes still filled up with tears. Axel came outside and noticed I was upset. He hugged me and asked me if I wanted him to kick that guys ass. I said no and laughed. After a few minutes of talking I had completely forgotten about what that dude said and was just enjoying my conversation with Axel. Then my date came outside to check on me so Axel went inside. The rest of the night went smoothly and we all enjoyed playing drinking games with everyone and just having a good time. When it was time to leave I found Axel to hug him bye. He hugged me tight and put his number in my phone and told me to text him. Of course I did. And over time we got to know each other better. We began to talk everyday, still just as friends. 

 After church I  would go out to eat with the youth group, just like I did every week. My youth group was close we all grew up together and were like family. The more Axel and I talked the more he came to eat with us after church. I usually would ride home with my neighbor if she came or another friend after we ate but after a while I began to ride with Axel. We would talk about any and everything. After a while going to eat with everyone became more of just an excuse to get to hangout, and giving me a ride home became just an excuse to get time alone together. 

 Eventually the time we spent with our friends eating grew shorter and the rides home became longer. Every ride home ended with a hug. God he gave the best hugs. They were strong yet gently. He would wrap his arms around my body, placing one hand on the mid part of my back right below my bra, the other hand placed on my waist right above the top of my pants, and he would squeeze tight. I would lay my head on his shoulder and burry my face into the side of his neck, rubbing my hands up his arms then wrapping them around his neck. He had defined muscles in his arms, skin soft like silk except for on his hands, they were rough with calluses and his cologne smelled so good, it had a clean crisp scent with a mixture between leather and grass. Every hug was longer but I never wanted them to end. I always felt so safe in Axel's arms, like nothing could hurt me, and all my worries seemed to disappear.