Deadpool: A Typical Day

"Now Al before I go kill the dick stick in this photo I want you to know I hid some cocaine if you find it, it's all yours. I also his your medications. Make sure the IKEA shit is put together when I'm back or you're going in that box with all those fun sharp objects inside ok? Also there's a treasure map for you on the table in crayon, bye" Wade said to the old blind woman he lived with before hugging her tightly and grabbing a stuffed unicorn before he slammed the door shut "I bet you the reader is wondering just what the fuck is going on, well I'm not telling I don't want to spoil it for you...ok I'll tell you this much, Domino and more importantly her boobs are making an appearance in this shit" he said to the audience only he could see before getting into a taxi cab "we're going to skip over this shit and get to the good part" Wade told the reader "and we're back, in an elevator I'm telling you this cause well you can't see it you're just reading along" the idiot said as he stood in the elevator which was playing Hollaback Girl for some fucking reason "I heard that you were talking shit and you didn't think that I would hear it people hear you talking like that, getting everybody fired up. This my shit, this my shit, this shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S" the loud mouthed merc sang along before he got to his floor and casually walked in taking out the photo of his target "HEY! Has anyone seen this guy? Cause I'm supposed to kill him...or her.....kinda looks like a woman with a moustache, HAS ANYONE SEEN A WOMAN WITH A MOUSTACHE!" The idiot yelled out as everyone pointed their guns towards him "Anybody at all?" He said before getting a bullet shot at him "so is that a no?" He then began getting more bullets shot his way then ran off getting behind cover "definitely a no" ((If these dick twaddlers kill me I'll never get tacos)) "oh you guys are here too? I thought you left" [[we didn't you just need to have thoughts in order for us to appear]] the voices in his head said as a man came running to towards him and shot at the mercenary. Wade pretended as if he was dead and quickly pulled out a 9mm gun and fired a bullet between his attackers eyes "sorry pal but I really want some tacos. Though you are pretty cute" he joked kissing the dead mans cheek before he ran around the corner and threw two daggers. One hitting a mans throat the other going into another guards crotch "sorry I was aiming for your head" Wade said putting the end of his gun in the mans mouth "open wide" he then fired the bullet and put away his firearm, pulling out a katana and cutting off the last mans head and picked it up "smile for the readers mr. Silly" he said before kicking the head across the room and skipped forward. As Wade progressed he soon came across a closed door which he went on to kick open "it's killing time! And the rooms empty" he said then walked into a tall make with a muscular build "holy shit, you're one big ass, fuck bag" he said before getting thrown into a wall "I'm guessing I'm not going to get a name from you, that's fine I'll just call you Slim Jim" he said as he stood up and tripped him making him fall down "snapado Slim Jim" he quickly grasped his arm and broke the bone then pulled out a large gun that was attached to his belt and shot his head "I always thought this was a cigarette lighter" he said to nobody in particular and skipped through the hallways until he came across Domino who was holding a gun up to his targets head then shot him dead "what the shit biscuit! How the fuck did you get here before me?" He asked and Domino simply pointed behind him "there's a back door! I had to do a fuck ton of science and all this kickass ninja shit I had to kill all these people and nazi robots. And not to mention, oh look, boobs" Wade said as he looked down to her chest "are those real or fake? Doesn't make difference to me, can I motorboat you?" He said before getting shot in the head by Domino who then grabbed his Katanas and shoved them in his skull "finally you shut up" she said as she left the building....

Hey audience, it's me Deadpool, yes I'm still alive, healing factor remember? Anyway if you want more of this shit then feel free to let us know

~Your friendly neighbourhood merc with a mouth