A Love Like Ours

Chapter 10

"And by all means," Emily went on, "give her all the hell you want to. I think the challenge of it will only help her realize how much she still loves you even faster." She said it like this was a game. Like it was an annoying obstacle we had to overcome. 

But it wasn't a game. It wasn't even an obstacle. She was engaged. Not just putting me off—ready to marry another man.

"What if I don't want to?" 

Emily stayed quiet. 

"I told you I'm done, Em. What if I don't want to give her hell? What if I just want to move on?"

Emily sighed, considering my words. "That's up to you, Harry. But whether you see her or not, whether you talk to her or not, whether you believe me or not, she loves you. Even if she doesn't know it, you have to know it."

I was holding my breath, a war raging inside of me, brutal and bloody.

"Look, do what you want, okay?" Emily said when I didn't respond. "And I'm sorry for any part I've played in making this more miserable for you. If - if you decide not to talk to her, if you decide to move on... I won't bother you any more. I promise."

And again, I felt guilty.

"Emily," I started to say, and brought a hand up, rubbed my eyes. "Despite what I said before, and all the anger that's been directed at you, I - I appreciate everything. I really do. You're a true friend."

It took a few moments—long enough that I had to wonder if my words had made the impenetrable Emily emotional—but she breathed a bit of a laugh then. "Yeah, well... talk to me after you see Maddie. Assuming you see Maddie, obviously."

My lips curled just a bit. "I'm sure I'll talk to you regardless," I said. Because as unsure as I was about everything concerning Madelyn, was as sure as I was that I couldn't lose someone like Emily from my life. I'd lost enough of the genuine people I'd come to love.

She was quiet for long enough again that this time, I was sure I had made her a bit emotional. "Okay. Let me know what you decide."

Anxiety stretched its muscles in my chest, like it was waking from too short a nap. "I will. And have fun on the rest of your honeymoon, would you?"

She laughed again, "I'll do my best. Good luck, Harry."

"Thanks, Em. Talk soon."

And I hung up the phone feeling simultaneously worse and better than when I'd answered it, which shouldn't have been possible. But there it was.

My legs were a bit shaky as I stood, and I knew it was because I hadn't eaten yet, paired with the news of Madelyn's impending arrival. But there was only one thing I could do right now, and that was to make myself something and hope I'd feel a bit better after eating.

Not up to anything extravagant, I made myself a sandwich, and polished off the bottle of wine I'd started as I ate, thoughts of what she would do, what she might say distracting me enough that I sat in complete silence in my kitchen.

She was coming. Here. To L.A.

And I was brought back to all the time I'd spent trying to keep her from coming here. All the worries that had prevented me from fully allowing her to become part of this half of my life. All the regrets I'd had afterwards, when everything had become too much for her and she'd cut me out of hers.

I had never imagined her coming here under these circumstances. Though I did think about what it might be like—having her here when I could control the situation, control what we did and who we saw. None of that mattered now, which should've been a relief, but I couldn't feel relieved at all.