27 years in, one heart out...

She'll take on love...She'll break on love.

When the music holds no interest to me, I know it is going to be a long climb back to normality. That's my tell tale sign.

My downfall.

Number ones are always detrimental. Always falling off the charts. The only way from here is down. One hit wonder. If only.

I don't want to know. And if you know me. I always want to know those melodies. They comfort me, soothe me in ways nothing else can. Apart from him.

But when I lose it. The interest.

 And I do. Then I know. I'm in trouble. Big trouble.

Sometimes it can last for days. Sometimes it lasts for weeks. Never months though. Those sounds have a strong hold on me. I will always be drawn out of my despair. Sooner rather than later - I hope. Only time will tell for this one. How long will this 'loop' be? 

The dancing stops. The tingles stop. The spine that holds so much electricity that it doesn't feel like it is actually part of my human skeleton...stops.

I don't care for it. I am void to it. Only temporary. Only temporary. It has to be. Doesn't it? I'll be swaying sooner than you know it. Please?

Then back to...

Dancing.

And when that first dance does commence, that first sound connects with my aesthetics, it's magical to me. Like I have never heard a musical note in my life. Like I have been deaf since birth.  

I'm floating. I'm euphoric. That's the hook I needed. The silence will come back around, it always does. I take solace in the fact that it never lasts. I take fear in the fact that one day I will crack like the needle on a record player and those jumps will be known as insanity. So beautifully memorizing I'll be lost. No rewind button on this antique. Skipping back to a tragedy that I can't seem to...block out.

Pause, delete that function doesn't work on a radiogram.

He will try to lift the needle and re-position it to replace the perfect moments. Perfect sounds. Scratched vinyl, damaged treasure, none repairable. Collectible value tarnished.

No refunds on this baby.