He Teaches

Chapter One-The Pain only i feel

There was no way May could do it. She couldn't listen to the voice in her head. 'You're useless it said' it screamed. 'Just end it all, let the pain go away, no one will care'. 'No!' she heard someone scream only to realise it was her voice. All her classmates were looking at her, concerned and frightened, they must think she's crazy. 'I have to go to the restroom' she mumbled and she grabbed her bag and left the history classroom and walked to the girl's restroom. She looked at her face in the mirror she had lost weight. Her face was pale, and her lips dry. She ran water through her face, dried her face and put on cherry lip gloss. She then took her bag and went to the school library, no one was in there all the normal students were in class and the librarian looked at her like she was weird. She went to a computer and logged on, she goggled symptoms of depression. And some search results came on. Then someone sat beside her. 'Hello Beautiful'. She quickly cancelled the search. It was her boyfriend Ryan. 'Hi babe, you scared me. Are you skipping class again? Just because my dad is the school principal that doesn't mean your get skipping privileges' She asked, half wanting to know his reply. 'I took permission to go to the toilet, and I saw you go in the library, so I followed. You've been acting sort of weird'.

That's one thing she didn't like about Ryan he was so inquisitive. I felt so uncomfortable. 'I just wanted to do research for history, henry the eighth'. Ryan was suspicious and his eyes showed worry and concern. 'Are you sure your okay?' She snatched her bag from the library table and switched off the computer. 'I'm fine okay; I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself' she began to walk out of the library and Ryan went to catch up to her. 'Are you going to Kate super seventeen birthday party?' May rolled her eyes 'why would I go to her stupid party we both hate each other' Ryan looked at may pleadingly 'She came me an invite and said I could bring a plus one. May suddenly paused in the hallway and face Ryan. 'That's because she want you, idiot'. To May's surprised Ryan grabbed her and kissed her passionate 'I've got the most amazing girl in the whole world, why would I even look at Kate'. She pushed him off. 'So why do you want to go to her birthday party'. Ryan took May's hand. 'Too be honest you've been acting depressed lately, I just wanted to see you have fun and happy again, your mom died six months ago, it is time you move on May.' That was it, may had had enough of his condescending attitude for one day. 'I'm fine Ryan, and you can go to Kate's stupid party if you want, but I'm not going' she walked all the way to the bus stop and waited for Bus 176 to stop at Camberwell.

It rained all the way to her house in Camberwell; the weather was damp and annoying. But it mirrored her state of mind, depressed, sad and lonely. She got of the bus and walked to her house. 16 rosewood lane, she opened the door, drop and her bag and went to have a hot shower. A few minutes later she opened her HP laptop and there was an email from the modelling agency she applied to six months ago.

Congratulations May Regan your photos were amazing, you fit our criteria, 6ft, really pretty with blue eyes and coal black hair and you are really photogenic and look amazing on camera. You are one of the chosen twelve that have been chosen to join Earnest trust modelling agency, we have link with vogue and Teen POP magazine and we will you have an amazing career as a model.

Jon wiggles (Model manager)

May switched off the computer; she had no reaction to the email. She knew she should. Anyone girl in her right might would love to be a model. But she couldn't be happy. Is like she was numb, not feeling of excitement or happiness. She needed help, she knew that, but May was scared to ask, terrified even. What will her friend's say if she was diagnosed with depression? She was the most popular girl in school, outgoing, full of life and energy. That is what they all wanted, that is what everyone expects from her, An A+ in school and an A+ in her social life. Everyone loses someone the love and they get over it, but some reason, May couldn't and she felt like she would feel this way forever. And that was the problem.

She opened her computer and looked at the email; May couldn't believe she had been so shallow and vain, she had sent this email six months ago and seven months ago, and six months ago her mom died. She deleted the email, her dad would never in a million years let her be a model anyway; she wanted to be a doctor. Then she heard the voice ago 'No one wants you, you know if they really knew you they wouldn't want you'. She pressed her head on her pillow 'shut up! Shut the hell up!' she screamed. Then the voice was gone for now, but there was always that feeling that it will come back again. She was going crazy, she just knew it, and there was no way she could tell anyone'. Her phone beeped and she picked it up, it was a text from Jane, her best friend.

One new text message

Hey babe, want to go out for burgers tonight, us and the guys? And you can't say no. you've said it like four times now. xoxo

If she doesn't hang out with her friends, pretty soon she wouldn't have any and Ryan would dump her. No matter her rotten, tarnished and sad she felt inside she couldn't show it outside or pretty soon she would be sent to a mental asylum. She wrote back.

Of course babe, wouldn't miss hanging out, can't wait xx

And that settled it, she wasn't crazy or sad, neither was she demented. She was a happy high school girl who lost her mom and she has gotten over it. She wasn't hearing voice, she wasn't sad and she was most certainly not weak.

A few hours later May found her, cuddling up to her boyfriend and hanging out with her friends. When suddenly the voice came 'You know you don't want to be here, you don't want to be any where and you know it. Just end it all' she ignored the voice and kissed her boyfriend passionately on the lips. 'Wow. What's gotten into you' May gave a sly smile. And the group just continued talking. Jane took a sip of her coke 'May, your seriously not going to Kate's seventeenth birthday party, everyone says it's going to be the biggest party of the year'. May shrugged. 'I don't like her, I'm not going'. Jane rolled her eyes as if to say here she goes again 'it doesn't matter, your popular, she's popular, everyone is going to be there, is going to be great'. May stood up 'I said I'm not going!' she yelled and then she began to walk towards the toilet. 'What is wrong with her?' she heard Jane whisper.

She went in and entered in a bathroom stall and began to cry. She sat down on the toilet seat and cried for eight minutes. The she came out reapplied her make-up and joined her friends. 'We were worried about you?' Ryan said. Jake, Jane's boyfriend stuffed a hamburger into his mouth, which must have been his fourth burger. 'Yeah I was just about to send Jane after you'. May took a sip of her coke and watched all of her friends stare at her, she felt like they were seeing right through her. 'I'm fine guys; maybe we should call it a night'. She dropped her coke can on the table and carried her purse. 'I'll drop you off Jake said, no need to get the bus'. And the all got up and went to Jake's car. 'You ruined the night, you ruin everything, and can't you see that' the voice said hauntingly.

An hour later, Ryan and May were both in her bedroom listening to music through her Samsung phone. 'You know I hate Taylor swift and you keep playing love story' May laid town on his lap. 'Come on it's an incredible song' Ryan laughed 'yeah right' and May sat up, got a pillow and used it to hit him. 'Come on May, I'm bored'. May paused, 'you mean I'm boring and no fun anymore, there is nothing exciting and interesting about me'. Ryan looked taken aback and he ran his hand through his thick black hair looking for something sensible to say to get him out of this situation. 'No babe, I just mean I'm bored at the moment'. May nodded, she had never been called boring before. 'Let's do it' she almost screamed excitedly. Ryan looked at her like she was crazy. 'Do what?' he asked. Then May looked at him her eyes shining 'Let's have sex'.

Ryan sat up straight and scratched his hair. 'You've never wanted to do it before, why the sudden change. You're acting really weird and strange May' May was hurt, she hadn't taken her clothes off yet, but she felt naked, she grabbed her jumper and wore it. 'But you've always wanted to, you've always wanted me'. Ryan came closer to hold her, but she resisted. 'I do, I don't think your okay right night, I think your still grieving, and you're not yourself'. May stood up from her bed. 'Get out!' Ryan was shocked and looked around 'I don't understand we were just having a good time and then...' she walked and opened her room door. 'I want you out; I want you to leave now'. Ryan grabbed his phone and his bag 'Okay, okay I'm leaving now'. He walked out the door and May slammed it. He would think she has lost it now, he really would.