think of me

mess.

I was a mess before you,

taught myself to forget what love was.

I made sure that I'd never feel that happy again

because you get a little taste of happiness and it gets taken away from you.

I buried myself in alcohol

and wished I was drinking bleach instead.

I would walk the halls intoxicated with drugs,

wishing one day it would be my last high.

I wished the worst for those that never felt what I felt.

I never thought jealousy could be a drug too.

I was filled with anger for being left behind and hurting on my own,

while others are never alone and always got someone to hold.

I thought to myself,

"If this is what love really feels like,

then love is something I shall not have."

I was a mess before but I was okay with it,

because I didn't depend on anyone to make me happy.

I didn't care about anyone enough to prove myself worthy of their love.

I admit I was a mess before you,

and sometimes I miss the feeling of not caring about my feelings.