Imaginary Ghost

~~Lolli~~

He's turning in his sleep again, but there's nothing I can do. I can't wake him up, I've tried. 

I can only wait it out and hope for the best. I can only hope he will end up okay. I would rather never know what happened than let him get hurt. I love him. 

--Aden--

"Lolli," I wake up screaming her name, but I don't know why. I can never remember. I can only ever remember that it was something bad. 

"I'm right here Aden. Was it the same dream?" Lolli asks me. She's always here, always has been. 

"I-I think so. I just, I can't remember." I can't help getting angry. I can never remember the one thing that could help us figure out what happened to her, and we've been trying since I turned twelve, and I'm 16.

"It's okay, we'll try next time. I'm not in a rush," She tries to reassure me, but I know she's sad. it's really been getting to her that she can't remember anything. All she remembers is pain and opening her eyes in my room with me staring at her and asking her if we could play catch now and the stuff that happened after that as we both grew up.

People say I shouldn't have any imaginary friends at this age, but what do I care? She's amusing anyway, and it's not like anyone else knows, or I have a choice, or I want to ditch her. So I don't stress it. She's my best friend, (though sometimes I wish the circumstances were different so we might be able to be more) and I'm the only one who can see her. 

There is one thing that has me skeptical, though, she has a sort of telekinesis. She can move things with her mind. It gives me a theory, but I don't want to acknowledge it without proof. I don't want to believe it, but I'm beginning to think that it is the only possible answer. I think she may be. . . dead. But that would mean that she used to be alive, and she may actually have been my friend when I was younger. 

I don't want to think she died, but I have to consider it. That's why I'm going to ask my mom if I had a friend who died when I was younger. I just have to find a time when Lolli won't be there. I sigh, That won't be easy. I'll have to wait until she does one of her disappearing acts. Every once in a while she'll "run away" and I won't see her for a bit because she needs to escape it all. I understand that so I don't push her or ask where she goes. I just smile when she comes back, tell her I missed her, and pretend she never left.

--+--

It isn't until a week-and-a-half later that she decides to leave for a while and since I don't know how long she'll be gone, I decide to make the most of the time I have to ask. After school, I go up to Mom who happens to be doing the dishes and begin the dreaded conversation. 

"Mom did. . . did I have a. . . friend when I was a kid?" I ask too afraid to say exactly what I'm thinking. 

She freezes and asks, "What do you mean? Of course, you had friends."

"I mean, did I have a friend who. . . died." I finish. 

She turns off the water. "I was hoping it would never come to this." She seems to be stalling as she pulls the chair out and sits down. "When you were a kid, you had a friend. Her name was Lola, but you called her Lolli because you couldn't yet pronounce her name right." There is a sad smile on her face showing her pain. 

"It was a warm summer day and you were outside playing catch together. I'm guessing you two had a 'fight' because you each went into your separate backyards. About five minutes later, you were playing again. It was always like that, you couldn't stay mad at each other for long. She over-threw and went running out into the street to get the ball." She inhales. "She didn't look for cars, or ask me to get the ball for her like she normally would. . . She ran out in the middle of the street and before she made it half way she was hit by a speeding car." 

She's crying silently and I feel horrible. I'm just now realizing that my best friend, who happens to be the girl I love, is dead and it's my fault for not stopping her. It's different knowing than speculating. I can't just tell myself it's all in my head anymore, because it's true. 

I can't help the pain I'm feeling now. I don't want her to be dead. I don't want to hide how much I care for her. I'll tell her, I decide 

--+--

The day she comes back, the resolve I'd been building over the past four-and-a-half days drained out of me like water in the bottom of a sink. 

She's avoiding my eyes. "I have something to tell you," she murmers. She takes a breath she doesn't need and says three words that shock me to my soul, "I love you." If I wasn't listening, I wouldn't have understood them. 

As it was, I'm still not sure until I ask her to repeat it with a very simple, confused, and hopeful, "What?"

"I love you," she says with more conviction. 

I can't believe it. I just found out that the girl I love may be dead, but that she loves me too. "I love you too," I respond. "I always have."

As we look at each other, I know there are somethings to resolve, but I also know we will find a way to make it through them together. 

Always together.