2 years, we met 2 years ago. And I'm still in love with you. I remember the day we met like it was yesterday. It wasn't even a special day but that day was the beginning of something new.
It was the first day of 6th grade. I had curled my hair, worn my favorite skirt, like I always did. I sat next my best friend I hope of a good year. Oh how innocent I thought it would be. The teacher introduced you to the class.You were new. At that moment honestly, I felt nothing. I looked behind me seeing a new guy not knowing how much you'd mean to me.
Recess. You were already making friends. I only knew your name but I was still glad you weren't gonna be alone on your first day. Everyone was going crazy about you, saying you were cute, how your smile was adorable, how tall you were and how that made you even cuter. But me I felt none of that. I'm still curious why I felt nothing when now I feel so much towards you, so much love.
It was the first week of school almost over. You were dating my best friend. Everyone was jealous. But not me. You came to me for advice on how to get to my best friend. Not knowing that me and you would become best friends as well we exchanged number. It was weird. Not because me and a guy I hardly knew exchanged numbers because I memorized it so quickly. To this day I still remember your number. I can hardly remember my own, but yours is forever stuck in my brain. Heck not even your girlfriend at the time remembered it within the time you guys were dating.
You guys broke up. No one really noticed nor cared surprisingly. Maybe it's because you guys only dated for like a week maybe two. You told me you liked me while we exchanged numbers but I never really thought it was true. You told me again, you liked me a lot. Heaven knew how long I wanted you to say that. I said it back. I thought right there you'd ask me out. Oh how wrong I was.
Me and my best friend split up, she left me for someone else. It might have been because of different classes I still am not sure why she left. I was devastated, but I had you so I wasn't as sad. I quickly became friends with my best friend whose still my best friend to this day. But again, you went for her. You liked me and my best friend. Unlike others we didn't fight over you we basically did the opposite. I told her youd pick her, and she told me you'd pick me. I never knew that I'd be so hurt at being correct. We sat on the phone for hours while I listened to you go on and on about how amazing my best friend was. I can't believe you had no idea I was crying all the time because you chose her over me.
When you guys broke up I think I was more hurt than you two, becuase she left me. For some reason my best friends always leave after they break up with my guy best friend.
I waited and waited and waited for you to ask me out, I tried everything to hint for you to. I knew I should've done it first, I guess I was too scared at being rejected to. But you got a new girlfriend, and this one was definitely not my best friend. She was a 7th grader, older, taller, prettier. I knew at that moment I wasn't good enough for you. She and I didn't like each other. She even told me to back off you one too many times. I didn't notice back then but when you dated a girl who wasn't my best friend or just friend, we didn't talk much. I never knew why. You never answered my calls, never hung out with me. Maybe she told you to, maybe I was too attached to where you hated me. I waited for so long to just be not good enough.
It took months you guys dated for months. And for months I was heartbroken. But I had no idea what was coming my way.
You asked me out three days after you broke up with her. On January 30th, 2015 you asked me out. I never stopped smiling. You were my first boyfriend and boy was I happy. I hated going home because I knew I'd have to wait for the next day to see you. Just seeing the school made me smile. We hugged, held hands. Then one day during class out teacher took us outside, I stayed on the playground while I watched you play football. Right before we left you came up to me. I quickly smiled and said hi. Without words you kissed my cheek and ran off. I sat blushing while I was so surprised. Talking about it now makes my face warm. But you never stopped and I never complained. Day after day you kissed me on the cheek and day after day I began falling in love with you more and more.
Valentines Day. My first valentine's day with a boyfriend. Since it was a tradition our class had a valentine's day party. You brought the soda. I usually love soda that's clear but you brought orange soda and it quickly became my favorite. Each soda had a note saying, "I don't have a CRUSH on you" since that's the sodas name. But mine of course was special it said, "I have a crush on you" and behind the note said I love you. My heart raced, my smiled uncontrollably. And I said it back. Knowing for a fact it was true.
The next five days were the last days of happiness for me. On February 19th 2015 you broke up with me. Now I acted strong, hint word acted. You didn't even do it in person you had 4 people tell me at the beginning of the day. My first response was "eh okay". I was really good at acting back then too. But then recess came. Everyone of my friends were talking, as they were in the middle of a conversation I vanished into at corner. Sat down. And broke down. The tears came down my face so fast and so much I couldn't breathe. Everyone told me you broke up with me because I wasn't worth it, not good enough. Those words, oh those words tore my heart to shreds. I saw you playing basketball with your friends and I knew for a fact you saw me sitting there crying. You didn't nothing.
The rest of the year was the same thing over and over again, you'd flirt with me, make me happy then get a girlfriend who wasn't me. I was 12 years old when my heart was broken. And to this day it still is. June 5th 2015. Your last day at my school. You promised me you'd come back for 7th grade. How naive I was to think you were telling the truth. You left me. You left me heart broken and didn't care one bit.
Now here I am. Writing this almost in tears. Last time we talked you promised me we'd talk everyday. It's been weeks. You haven't even said hello. Everyone thinks I've moved one for you. I haven't. Now here I am. Sitting here worse then ever. I have depression, anxiety. I written a suicide note so many times. I don't know why I haven't attempted yet. I promised you I'd hug you next time I saw you. It's been 2 years. You were my home. My safe place. My one and only. The love of my life. If only I knew I wasn't yours too. Now here I am. Scared to love. Scared of myself. Scared to stay alive. If only you knew how much I've cried maybe you'd care. How much you've destroyed me. How much I don't wanna live anymore. Maybe just maybe you care then.
