Can't Help Falling in Love

Kitchen Sink

" Uh, this might sound kind of weird, but I have we met before? If not, you look like someone who I used to date. " Erin managed to say.

" Um, not that I know of. " The lady let out a little laugh. " I mean, we could have. What's your name?" Asked the blonde woman. 

" I'm Erin, and you?" Responded Erin. 

The blonde hesitated a moment before speaking, " Jill." 

Erin nodded her head and said, " Nice to meet you. Well, I'm just gonna leave you alone now. " Erin let out a little laugh. 

" Nice to meet you too. And don't worry, we still got 20 minutes. If you want to talk, that is good with me. You don't have to leave me alone." The blonde woman smiled, and Erin could not tell because of the dark sunglasses, but the blonde woman winked at her. 

" Really? Most people down here could care less about who they talk to. Most are just focused on their destination and don't mind for the others. " After Erin had said this sentence, she realized she practically described herself. 

" Yes, that's an observation I always make about other New Yorkers. Well, here is just a quick little thing about me, I'm not like other people. You see, my, um, old friends, always described me as an eccentric and quirky character, which many people here lack. " The blonde woman smiled again. 

" New Yorkers always lacking charm," Erin paused for a moment," Um, I'm sorry, what is your name again?" 

"Jill" Responded the woman. 

" Thanks, sorry about that. " 

" Nah, it is all good. People always forget my name and just call me by my last name. " The woman's phone began to beep. " Well, that would be my 5 minute warning for my train. I have to go. Nice talking to ya!" Jill waved goodbye to Erin as she departed the bench Erin was sitting on. As the woman walked away, Erin could only think about her... personality. 

Erin pondered for a good ten minutes about the woman. " Why do I feel I have known her before today? She seems awfully familiar. Could it be- no- could it? Was that Holtzmann?" 

Erin, for the second time today, found herself asking more questions about her ex-girlfriend. " I have never seen her dress in casual sweats like that, and her yellow glasses aren't on. No, that isn't her." Erin decided she was being crazy. She logged onto her phone for the rest of time. She was alerted by the loud sounding train approaching the platform. She put her phone in her bag and stood up from the bench. She waited for the doors to open and boarded the train. The ride was rather quiet, unlike usual. She had to go to four different stops before she finally got off.  Once she was off the train and out of the subway, it was a simple cross the street walk into her apartment building. 

Erin was greeted by her apartment building attendant and headed for the elevator. She pushed the up button and patiently waited for large elevator doors to open. When they opened, she walked in and pushed the floor 12 button. The elevator had let out a high-pitched ding. The doors closed and up the elevator went. The elevator did not stop on any floors; it went directly to floor 12. The doors slide open and Erin turned to her left to walk down the long hallway of apartments. She finally approached her apartment at the end of the hallway. Apartment 1249 was hers. She put her keys in the key hole and unlocked her door. As she opened the door, she was greeted to a dark and cold apartment. 

" Home sweet hom--," Erin was cut off by her phone ringing. She looked down to see that the call was coming from Holzmann. She decided to answer the call. 

" Hello. " Erin said in an exasperated tone. 

" Hi. " Jillian responded back. 

" Why didn't you come into work today? We were expecting you. " 

" I was, but I lost my yellow glasses, so I didn't come in. I can't work without em. So I took a day off. " 

Erin wasn't buying this excuse. She knew that Hotlzmann would still come to work even if her glasses were missing. 

" Tell me the real reason why or else I'm hanging up. I'm not wasting my time talking to you about glasses. " 

"Okay, fine, " Hotzmann paused," I didn't feel comfortable being around you, or Abby and Patty. I screwed up, and I know I did. I have never acted to anything like that before and... I couldn't bare the embarrassment. I acted childish storming out of there again. I knew I probably hurt your feelings and thought it would be best to give you time, you know, to recover. " Said the quiet Holtzmann. 

" Well, yeah, I was hurt, but I wanted to talk to you this morning. I wanted to sort things out. I was hoping you wanted to confront what you did and take responsibility. Then, we could've rebuilt from there. But, now I see you aren't confident enough to do that. " Erin immediately regretted her last sentence. 

" Did you not just hear what I just said. I took responsibility. I know what I did, and I regret it. " 

" Jillian I didn't mean it like that... I--" Erin was cut off. 

" How did you mean it then? You obviously think I wasn't going to take responsibility. " Said Jillian. 

" I meant that, that...." Erin found herself short of an answer. 

" I knew it. I knew it. " Jillian said. 

" I was just hoping you would take full responsibility. You know, by being face to face." 

" I don't need to take full responsibility. I wasn't the only problem in this conflict. " Said the now angered Holtzmann. 

" You were the problem. I did absolutely nothing wrong!" Yelled Erin. 

" Yes you did. " Responded Jillian. 

" Now you just sound like a kid. I did not do anything wrong." 

" Yes you did you liar!" Shouted Jillian. 

Erin did not like the tone Jillian was using to talk to her. It sounded as if a little kid were talking to her. " You know what, I feel as if I were to have to talk to you in person, I couldn't. If we can't have a grown up conversation, then what are we? Just leave me alone. " 

" Well, we had a pretty good one earlier in the subway. " Jillian hung up the phone after that. 

Erin paused for a moment remembering how much she enjoyed that conversation. " Wait! Jillian, don't hang up! Don't leave me alone! Don't...." Erin realized she had already hung up. She set her phone down on her counter and walked into her kitchen. She walked over to her cabinet and grabbed a plastic cup. She then walked over to her kitchen sink. She turned the water setting to cold and filled her cup. She turned the faucet off and took a sip of her water. 

She stayed standing there above her sink. Her emotions were building up inside her. She stood still for 2 minutes. Then, out of nowhere, she throws her cup into the sink. Erin begins to yell. 

Tears now fully streaming down her face. She looks into the sink and sees her reflection in the water. She shouts into the sink, " Leave me alone! Just leave, every damn memory of her, leave! Goddammit," she pauses to cry a little more, " What am I saying? I don't want to lose her. Don't leave, please don't leave me alone." Erin looked up from her kitchen sink. She was now drowning in a heap of emotions. She walked away from her kitchen to the window. It was now raining in New York City. The rain seemed to set the moment for her. 

"Is this really my life?" She asked herself. " Am I really living this nightmare. Why was it that when I was knocked out, I felt more at ease knowing Jillian was (fake) dead? Now that I'm back, I feel as if all my feelings for her are hatred." She looked away from the window to her TV. 

She walks over to her coffee table and picks up the remote. She turns on her TV. She places her old videos of her and Jillian into the CD player. She begins to watch all the videos. 

" What am I doing? Why am I feeling so alone?" She thought to herself. She looked to her door for a moment. "You know what, I'm not going to be alone. " 

Erin ran to her bedroom, grabbed her raincoat and headed out the door. She was not going to continue to be alone. She wanted another conversation with "Jill".