It was October now.
I knew it because of the way the leaves changed. I haven't been outside much, Mr. Lane says I won't be able to go outside much now because of what I did. I suppose he's right, but I think it's stupid. Banning a person to go outside and breathe in the fresh air was an infringment on your human rights, so I think. The old oak tree was up against my window so I always had a clear view of when the colors of the leaves changed. This tree's leaves turned a lovely shade or orange in September but when late October came, it changed into a lovely red shade. The color of the deepest of blood, spilled over the palest of skin. The blue veins taughting the shaking girl as she slid the razorblade down...
Wait, I'm getting off subject again. Dammit.
Anyways, since it's October, it's been marked eight months since my parents dropped me off here. Well, I guess the words 'dropped off' wouldn't be proper, it was more like they threw me in here to let me rot. I hate thing place, I hate everything that has to do with it. I can't even fucking go outside and breathe, instead I am stuck inside my room with only my book and pen to keep me company. Mr. Lane is making me do this, he's making me write these journal entries now and I hate it. He told me it would be best if I did this, just so I can take everything off my mind and let it escape onto the paper. Bullshit. I see no help in this whatsoever. My hand is just tired now, and I still feel as mad and as sad as I always am.
I know I need to get going, they are making everyone in the 'D' Wing go downstairs early for Enrichment time today. The Vested people make us do this every Thursday now, it's apart of our schedule. Two hours sitting in a room with our legs crossed and an armed guard that stood in front of the door as we talked about our problems to a woman who normally wears a blue dress with little smiling suns on it. I never did find out her name, granted, I never really cared. She had one of those annoying, screechy voices and she was way too happy all the time. I honestly felt like I was in Kindergarten with her, because she treated our wing like we were five year olds that were still learning not to piss in their pants and carry their blanket around. Granted, Gregg Mandez did that but not all of us were that deep into insanity. But fucking hell, some of us were damn close to it.
I just heard the warning bell ring, so I must leave you behind. Oh, what a shameful thing. Leaving a tattered notebook with my pathetic thoughts on a table until another time. Boo hoo, Natalie, boo fucking hoo to you.
