A Box Full Full Of Stars

The Whole Shabang

"She died." Words had not hurt that bad in years. The other end was silent. I felt numb, emotionless, saying it. It hadn't felt real until then. I hadn't felt until then, I wished I couldn't feel. I wanted to forget, I wanted to have her back. A gasp came from the phone, followed by soft sobs. We didn't need an introduction, she remembered. Tears filled my eyes until they became too much to hold back.

"How?" a faint whisper echoed in my ear.

" Car crash." the words somehow how escaped my cracked lips. The sobs grew louder.

"No, Lindsey, no!" she wept, "It's all your fault!" With that the line went silent. I crawled further under my comforter. I had to tell her mom sooner or later. Blinking away heavy tears my fingers brushed my lips. The same lips that created fireworks when pressed against hers. She had soft lips, she always had soft lips, and her eyes; they were a deep ocean. I remember the days I spent with her, every moment, every butterfly. Its funny how much comes back when they're gone. I closed my eyes harshly sinking deeper into my pillows, I let the memories crash over me.

Twelve Years Ago

Being in love with someone was like owning a box of stars. That's what my mom had always said, she had always told me stories of great romance. With princes and princesses, dragons and witches. She told me I would find a prince. But even at the age of ten, I wanted a princess. But I never said so. Although that was before she left. Years later I hadn't even come out yet. I was scared to, I mean it's not everyday that the head cheerleader, girlfriend to the football quarterback comes out as gay. I couldn't even tell my dad, it would have devastated him. He was my only parent, that was hard enough on him; and being the strict christian he is, me being gay wouldn't have gone over well. I was playing the straight card at the moment to keep him in his wits. Soon enough I'd turn eighteen and would be able to leave this crappy town of Melville, New Jersey. I'd leave Gerard; my boyfriend, the sewer trash filled streets, the thick smoggy air, and all the homophobic population. My thoughts of freedom were interrupted when

"Baaaaabe?"a smooth voice brought me back to the sent and raucous of the school cafeteria. I looked at him, setting my head in my hands. "Are you gonna eat?" I peered down at the two month old, freezer burnt pizza, laying on my plate. I shake my head pulling my arms to my side. My appetite nonexistent. As much as I complained, Gee wasn't a bad boyfriend, I just.. played for the other team. He sighed wrapping his arm around my shoulder. Pulling me in he pecked my temple. "You need to eat. I know there's something going on you're not telling me about, but starvation is crossing the line." I knew he was worried I hadn't eaten a complete meal for a while now, but he wasn't that serious. I rolled my eyes and pushed my plate towards him, "Eat it." He sat up properly. He shook his head grinning, causing me to show my own. The sound of a small commotion behind me caught my attention. I spun around confusion plastered to my face. That was the first time I saw her. She had tripped and dumped her lunch of disease filled mush on some kid.

Her long wheat hair bounced, curling lightly every step to help the victim. She was pale, a beautiful pale. Like I was pale, but she was a different kind, her own type of pale. Her skin matched her features perfectly, her jawline was ever so slightly chiseled, her cheekbones were defined, her eyes were an ocean, a sea I wouldn't mind getting lost in. Her full lips were a pale pink that matched her outfit. Which consisted of a peach shirt and jeans. I was astounded. She was beautiful, perfect.

" Who's that?" I asked Gee. He shrugged shoving the last bite of pizza into his already full mouth. I sighed, "Be right back." I got up I quickly adjusted my thick black hair, then fumbled with my skirt. Plaid, I had realized I wear too much plaid, plaid skirts particularly. But I couldn't help it, it fit me perfectly. I approached her sitting alone nose deep in a book with a title I had never heard.