Don't judge

part one

     Hello everyone my name is Ashley. If you were  to meet me you wouldn't really know who I am or how I feel because of telling people my feelings I put on a fake smile everyday. That smile is the only way I can cover up the fact that I suffer from suicidal depression. I know you are probably thinking like who would be stupid enough to try and kill themselves or even think that. Well it isn't really that person's fault for thinking that it's the people who make fun of them and call them names and the parents who call the kids worthless pieces of shit and say how we ruined their lives. They put stuff inside our head causing us to think these things and making our lives a living hell and making us to just want to end it. There may be people who do love us but we never know if everything is just a lie. I have had so many people turn their back on me just as I was getting to know them they made me believe that they were my friends just so they can take everything i've told them and spread rumors. Even my own father turned his back on me calling me on my birthday to tell me how much he hates me and how I ruined his life. Is that what he really wants because I can make it happen. Sometimes I wonder why I am alive. Was I just brought into this world because they wanted someone they can torture? It's not like I really have anyone to talk to I can't even talk to my own mom. 

 Everyday I wake up thinking today is going to be a good day but then I get to school and all I hear and see while walking down the hallway is people pointing and laughing at me and one day someone had the odasity to tie a noose to my locker and say if you really are that depressed why don't you do it already nobody will care because your a piece of shit and everyone hates you. Would you want to live in a world like that. Today was different when I got on the bus someone actually decided to sit with me and I think I laughed for the first time in a few months and to my surprise he asked if he could sit with me at breakfast and lunch then on the bus he sat next to me again. I wonder if this is going to be another scenario where they just use me as a joke but he doesn't seem to be that way. I'm so excited to go to school tomorrow knowing that I will have someone to talk to, it's not that I don't like people it's just that no one wants to talk to a creepy depressing girl with black hair with green tips and snake bite piercings.

All i'm wondering right now is if Ashton will sit with me we are only a few minutes away from his stop. When we get there I am going to melt at the sight of his sparkling blue grey eyes and long blonde hair. We are there oh my god we are here and now he is on the bus walking towards me and just as I thought he was just going to walk by, he sits with me and says "good morning beautiful." As soon as he says that my heart melts into a puddle. Just the thought of having a person acknowledge me is enough to make me happy, never mind the fact that a cute boy is sitting this close to me and talking to me. Once we reached the school and got off the bus I thought we were going to part our separate ways, but instead he ripped my favorite neon green beanie off my head and ran so of course I chased after him and when I finally caught up to him I was reaching up to grab my beanie as he pulled me in close to him and gave me a giant hug and said "see you later."

I didn't notice we had any classes together until today when I got into English class and then I saw him in history and math. At first I thought I was seeing things until he came up to me at lunch and asked why I didn't sit with him during class.

"Sorry I didn't know you wanted me to."

"That's why I put my bag on the seat next to me, I was saving it for you."

"Oh sorry. You could sit with me right now."

I sit at a table for two so it was just the perfect size for us. For the rest of the lunch we talked about things we liked and disliked. The whole time I was thinking how could I be so lucky.

 Later that day in science class he asked me if I wanted to go see a movie with him after school, so I sent my mom a text and she said as long as I am home by 11:30. While we were on the bus I was so mesmerized by those dreamy blue eyes that I could look at all day, but then I noticed we were getting closer to his house. That is when I started getting really nervous and almost made up an excuse not to get off with him, but in the end I ended up getting off and trying to keep the lump in my throat down.