The Blanket

I don't know what drove me to be in this place; far from home and all alone. My Mom and Dad were right; I don't belong out on my own, not yet. It's cold and dark out here. It's quiet, but the noises that are present are frightening. I haven't eaten in two days and I hope tomorrow will bring me good fortune. I wish I could call my parents and tell them I want to be with them, but something keeps holding me back.

"You can't tell me what to do! I'm sixteen and I'm an adult! Besides, you guys aren't doing so hot yourselves. We barely scrape by and I'm embarrassed to bring my friends to our shitty house. Some job you've done for us. "

"You have no idea how hard it is to support this household. Your father and I barely see each other because he works so hard and so much; just so we can barely scrape by. He doesn't complain. He doesn't give up. He keeps doing it so he can provide for our family.

Do you think I like working, then coming home to make dinner and spend only a couple hours with you before I go to sleep to do it all over again? It's hard, it's stressful, it's frustrating, but I do it because I love you and I want you to be something more than your Dad and I are. Please understand that we are doing the best we can."

"It's not good enough! You both are failures! I hate you and I can do better on my own than with you too holding me down! You'll see!"

With that, I was gone. I had only my backpack loaded with clothes and $200; thinking it would get me started onto something great. I could draw, I could write, and I wanted to be famous. I was going to be famous! I'd show them. Once I became rich, I would go back home and rub their noses in it! They'll see....

That was six months ago. Since then, I've been mugged, beaten, introduced to drugs, and done unimaginable things to myself and others. I have done all this in vein because I've yet to make it on my own. Who am I kidding? I have no education, I have no trade, I have no skills, or any experience. I'm just like anyone else out here except I was stubborn. Too stubborn to follow the rules and listen to my parents. Two people who started out rough and made the best with what they had to work with. Man, I would love to be back with them. Instead I'm freezing in the dark, under the freeway. I need to go back home and tell them I was wrong. Tell them I can be better. Tell them I loved them.

Two more days passed. I still haven't eaten and my ribs hurt from the beating I took because I wouldn't give up my jacket. I'm afraid to ask for handouts because the two men that took my jacket have the area locked down. I don't know what to do. I've thought of suicide. I can't get away from where I'm at and have nothing going for me. Why did I leave home?!

Today I was given half a sandwich and some chips, now my stomach hurts because I ate it too fast. I desperately want it all to end now. Every day that I wake up, I wish I didn't. I'm weak and my headaches are so bad that they make me nauseous. I think today will be the day. How should I do it? Leap in front of a semi? Jump off the bridge? How? I'm scared and I don't want to, but it would be better that what I am dealing with now; nothing.

A man in a nice car is staring at me while waiting for the red light to turn green. Maybe he'll give me some money. I'm too tired to get up. What does it matter? All that will do is prolong the inevitable....