Far From Perfect

Katie: Today Is The Day

Today is the day. Today is the day I'm going to meet her. I just have to get through college first. Six hours. Six hours and I'll be on my way there.

Waking up is usually a chore for me, but not today. After college, I'm going to meet my favourite band at their first headline show in Manchester. I've loved this band for a long time and I've been waiting for this day for so long; now it's finally here, I don't know what to do or feel. They've been my favourite band since they auditioned for X Factor and I know that other fans have been here a lot longer, but I owe a lot to them. Over the past year, they've helped me so much, particularly Parisa.

"Katie! Breakfast is ready!"

My mum doesn't usually make breakfast but she wants to make sure that I've eaten today since I'll be going straight to the show after college. She also thinks that travelling to the venue four hours early is excessive but, if you ask me, I don't think it's early enough.

I race my way through breakfast, almost choking on my orange juice several times because I need to make sure I have everything for the show. I need to make sure that I have the tickets, the gifts and the long letter I spent hours writing out last night. It's for Parisa. I need to tell her exactly how much she means to me, even if it does sound cheesy.

Hearing Parisa's voice is the only thing that calms me down when I get panicked. Her voice is the only thing that can bring me back to reality. This is why my phone is filled with voice memos that I have recorded from various interviews and videos. They're only little ten second clips of her talking about Only The Young but they come in handy whenever I feel an attack coming on. I usually play them most when I'm on the bus to college but sometimes I need to play them during lessons. Attacks hit me all the time but usually Parisa helps me fight them off.

My first lesson today is biology. I like biology. My class make me laugh so much and I love my teacher. Biology is usually attack free because of this but I can already feel something building up. I'm so nervous about making a fool of myself tonight in front of Parisa that I already have to remember to breathe deeply. My teacher nods at me understandingly as I begin to untangle my earphones and unlock my phone to play Parisa's voice memos. I love my teacher. He and my psychology teacher are the only people who understand that I need to zone out, everyone else just sees me as the girl who is allowed to listen to music in class.

"I think my favourite part of being in Only The Young is definitely being able to spend every day with my best friends..."

I feel calmer already.

I get through the rest of the day relatively easy. I spend my breaks and free periods looking over my letter to Parisa. I haven't managed to make any friends yet even though it's the last day of the first term, so I have to sit on my own but I don't mind. I just need this letter to be perfect. I'm so excited to meet Parisa tonight. I can't wait to hug her. I bet her hugs are incredible.

As the bus nears the venue, I sit with a friend from school, Millie, and the nerves begin to build. My chest tightens and I can feel an attack coming on. I can't have one here but I know I won't be able to untangle my headphones and find the voice memos before it hits. The only thing I can do is close my eyes, put my hands over my ears and play the memos in my head. That's the only thing I can do.

"Just breathe," I whisper to myself as I feel a tear run down my cheek "she'll be with you soon."

"We're here," Millie says hesitantly a few moments later "are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I whisper as I look down at the dark, wet pattern my tears have painted onto my jeans. Wiping it off, I take a deep breath and force a smile onto my face "I can do this."

The venue is a few minutes' walk from the bus stop so I can use this time to compose myself. As we turn the corner I see Only The Young's tour van and spot Betsy stepping out of it.

I've never liked Betsy. There's just something about her that annoys me. I can't decide if it's the fact that she thinks she's an incredible singer that makes me hate her or if it's just because she has the personality of a brick wall. Either way, when she's around Parisa it's the only time she becomes tolerable. That's what Parisa does to people, I guess. I love Parisa and Betsy's friendship. They have one of those friendships that makes everyone question if they're actually just best friends or if there's something else going on, but since Parisa let slip about her and Mikey, everyone's been too caught up on their relationship to worry about her and Betsy. No one knows how long Parisa and Mikey have been together but video compilations on YouTube suggest that it's been a long time. They've been caught gazing into each other's eyes and sneaking smiles since way before the X Factor. I think they're an adorable couple.

Suddenly, I feel a huge blow on my shoulder. I snap out of my daydream and see Parisa standing a few feet in front of me...

Smiling...

She's smiling at me...