The Bucket List

the one where harry met sally

"Bakit ba?" She laughed. "Come to think of it, we're almost done with the bucket list, RJ. Nakaka-nine na tayo!"

"Oo nga no?"

"Sayang lang kasi yung isa sa new year pa. But we can still do it, balik tayo sa December?"

"Sige ba! Dami pa rin naman nating hindi naikot dito eh. Florida naman tayo?"

"Pwede!" she paused. "Ano, happy ka ba?"

"Oo naman. Sobra."

"Do you still think about her?"

"Hmm.. sometimes."

"What if dumating siya dito? What will you do?"

"I don't know, Maine."

Teka...

"Baka kasi dumating siya dito or ano, you have to be—"

Is that her?

"—be prepared or something kasi—RJ you're spacing out. Are you okay?"

"Ha?"

"Ang sabi ko kung okay ka lang ba."

"Ah, oo. What were you saying?"

"Nevermind. Basta importante naman sakin, happy ka. That's all that matters to me."

I smiled at her. "Thank you, Maine."

"Anytime. Hey, I have something to tell you."

"Ano yun?"

She bit her nails, something she's doing whenever she's nervous. "Ano kasi.."

"What is it, Maine?"

She held my hand so tight, as if her life was depending on it. "I..."

"Chard?"

Sabay kaming napalingon sa tumawag sa akin.

Fuck.

"Laura?"

Then she kissed me.

In front of Maine.

Just the way she does nung kami pa.

The bad thing was...

I kissed her back.

Naramdaman ko na lang na tumatakbo na palabas ng restaurant si Maine.

***

I found her sitting at the bench at the park nearby. She wasn't crying, she wasn't moving. Nakatulala lang siya.

Gusto ko siyang lapitan, tabihan, yakapin. Pero alam kong itataboy niya lang ako. I decided to stay in front of her.

"When you kissed me at the Four Corners Monument, did that mean something to you, RJ?"

"I.."

"Answer me!"

"Maine.."

"When we kissed at the Empire State Building, did it mean something to you?"

"Maine please.."

She placed both her palms on her face, then sat on the bench. "Oh my god." Her tears started to fall. "It didn't mean anything to you, did it?"

It took me a couple of seconds before answering. "Maine it did—"

"RJ, wala lang yun sayo. Kasi kung meron, if it means something to you then you could have answered right away! Pero tangina, hindi ka nakasagot agad!" She placed both of her palms on her face. "Oh god. I'm so stupid."

"Maine, please.."

"No, RJ. I'm so stupid to think that it meant something to you. Because for me, meron yun eh. It meant everything to me."

I felt chills when she said that, that it meant everything to her. Hindi ko na alam yung gagawin ko.

I tried to come near her but..

"Don't come near me, RJ."

I stopped trying. I know her, she will never let me go near her.

"You kissed her in front of me!! After what happened the last month, dumating lang si Laura, nawala na ako sa eksena. RJ, pinaglaruan mo lang ba yung feelings ko?"

"Maine, hindi sa ganun.."

"Tangina, RJ. Ganun yon! Anong tawag dun sa ginawa mo? Dun sa nangyari sa atin? Kahit kailan, RJ, you never choose me, kahit noon pa. Tingnan mo nga, nakita mo lang si Laura, nawala na lahat ng pinaghirapan ko para mapasaya ka. Babalik ka na naman sa kanya. Saan na naman ako lulugar?" She laughed bitterly. "Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo. Bestfriend mo lang ako. Wala nga pala akong karapatan sayo."

I fell silent.

"But I thought we had that thing, more than what bestfriends should be.. but I was wrong.."

She started crying.

"And that doesn't give you the right to play with my feelings!"

"Maine, I'm sorry..."

She was still crying, pero hindi ko alam kung yayakapin ko ba siya, tatabihan, o dito lang ako sa kinatatayuan ko. I was so afraid that if I went near her, she will break more than what she is right now.

"I felt so happy and at peace when you kissed me, RJ. It was as if you were giving me the chance to love you the way you deserved to be. But all of it is gone, wala na. Just because she came back. Laura came back. Ano nga namang laban ko sa kanya diba?"

"Maine, believe me when I tell you that I am not playing with your feelings.."

I sat in front of her and held her hands. "I feel so confused right now. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. You're my bestfriend, Maine, and I hate to see you like this."

"Yun na nga eh. Bestfriend mo lang ako." She wiped her tears and looked at me, straight into my eyes. "Go back to her, RJ. I'm going home."

She started walking away from me.

Maine, it meant something to me too.

***

AN: Huhuhu I hope I did justice to this. Wag niyo sana akong sapakin 😭