Hardest of Hearts (Lauren/you) ON HIATUS

Question

"Fuck you, Y/N!!!" She pushed me back against the wall, the dull ache in the back of my head commanded me to scream back. But I couldn't...

Earlier that day...

I went out onto the stage for the sound check again while the girls got ready for their next Q&A. I adjusted my shades as I tried to hide the fact that I was stoned as fuck. I almost wacked Ethan with the guitar as he neared me with his, taking advantage of my friendliness. 

I belted out the notes clumsily into the microphone before dancing on stage. My solo was about to come up...until I completely missed every note. Everyone in the vicinity flinching at the horrible noise I was making. The band stopped completely as I looked around completely confused. Ethan stormed up to me, immediately snatching the shades off my face, his face was completely furious at my state. 

"Are you serious man?!" I laughed at his extremely serious tone, "Grow up Y/N!" This time he grabbed my collar roughly as his face neared mine angrily. 

"Fucking chill dude..." I placed my hands on his shoulders gently pushing him away from me. 

I found it so funny how it literally took no effort to get Ethan fired up. He needed some serious help for that anger issue of his. 

"Don't tell me to chill man! You can't keep coming to shows high, ok, it doesn't send a good message to our fans-"

"Man I seriously don't have time for you," I stretched my hand out before walking away towards the side of the stage again. Until, I felt his rough hand grab my arm. I quickly tried to get out of his grip until I was pulled closer to him where his fist met my jaw. I went down straight  away before Jonah and Sydney made it to my side, shouting at Ethan for his loss of self control. I cupped my jaw in pain as I watched with equally furious eyes. Before, I could even begin to lunge forward Jonah was already pulling me away. I couldn't back down without the last word.

"You know what?! At least I have the person you want the most you dick!" I could see him move his way towards me by the corner of my eye, "Yeah and you know what i'm going to fuck her tonight and there's nothing you can do about it-" before I could even let the last letter fall out o f my mouth I was tackled to the ground my Ethan who had managed to get past Jonah. 

We both fell to the ground, him on top as his weight made it hard for me to breathe. The air had been knocked out of me as soon as I had hit the ground with his force. The security rushed to get him off me before anything could escalate. I looked to  my side to the see the scared faces of the fifth harmony girls who had probably seen the whole scene. In my state the pain I felt before from his punch was nothing compared to  the shit I had smoked and the things I had taken. Part of me wished that this was all some fucked up hallucination. 

I got up from the ground before being pulled to the side by my tour manager who looked beyond angry. his grip on my arm was tight as i was being pulled to the nearest empty space. 

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING Y/N!" I guess what just happened was not on his little planner today. "YOU'RE THIS CLOSE TO GETTING KICKED OFF TOUR!" He gestured with his fingers to exaggerate my fuck up. 

"It won't happen again, I swear," My voice sounded different then I remembered it before I realised it wasn't me who actually spoke just now. Jonah stood behind  us as he approached slowly. His expression looked fed up. 

"Oh yeah? How can you be so sure is you're pulling stupid shit at parties too?" Mike was definitely not having any of our shit anymore. 

"Look man, I know that there have been some bumps along the way but can we just get these last two shows done and then we'll be going home and things will be good," Mike sighed as he heard Jonah out.

"Don't fuck up these last two shows and then I want you home top sort whatever shit you're going through and come back fresh to record. Got it?" 

"Yeah..." I replied weakly before I felt the effects of the drugs start to wear off.

I didn't even bother waiting up for a reply before walking off.  However, eventually I found myself  near the exit. Lauren stood there. Her eyes looked pretty vacant. 

 She must of noticed that I was watching her when her expression completely changed and the disgust was evident. My chest immediately tightened at the pending conversation she was going to start. 

"I can't believe you..." she moved off the wall to stand in front of me.

I stood there motionless, a million thoughts running through my head. 'Should I run  or stay?' my instincts told me that I should leave. My heart wanted different. Lauren had the power right now and I didn't know how I felt about this. Before I could even speak up she interrupted...

"I heard all of it y/n so don't try to act like you did nothing wrong. I can't believe you... "she grabbed flipped her hair in frustration as she paced around. I was feeling even more anxious as the minutes passed by. The adrenaline from what just happened still evident within me. I wanted nothing more than to get away from everything and everyone.

"I don't know what to say."

"of course you don't, you pretty much said everything anyway...how could you talk about me like that?" there was hurt in the way she spoke and that sinking feeling fell to my gut, wrenching with nerves.

"I was mad and he ticked me off."

"that doesn't give you any reason to use me against him!" she poked me hard in the chest as she raised her voice.

"Why not?! The only reason he hared me right now is because of you. I'm fighting my own brother because of you!" the anger within me was quickly taking over. At this point I had no control over the words I was saying. I fucking hated myself for getting into this situation in the first place.

"Fuck...I don't want to fucking deal with you right now!" She pushed me hard as she made her way towards door. I grabbed her arm in desperation, wanting to have the last word. "Don't walk away from me please?"

"Why not?! Tell me something Y/N," She walked towards me, furiously until I was backed up by the wall, "Is this just a game to you?"'

"No of course not..." I looked into her eyes sadly. I tried raising my hand to touch her but she flinched as my hand met her skin.  "Then why haven't you told me that you love me? I need to know." her voice quivered at this point despite her efforts to keep assertive. 

I froze at her question. I didn't know how to answer her question. Part of me screamed to say anything to change this conversation. My mouth opened to answer her but no words came out. My heart burned within me, urging me on...

"Fuck you, Y/N!!!" She pushed me back against the wall, the dull ache in the back of my head commanded me to scream back. But I couldn't...