W a r m t h | iwaoi

{8} - l o v e

"don't tell me that the infamous kou is your son! we've heard all about him!"

immediate embarrassment coursed through me. kou was literally right there and this loud shithead decided it was a fantastic idea to screech out my feelings.

the shorter of the two's eyes lit up, his gaze fixing on me.

"then that means-
you must be nukumi! kou talks about you all the time!"

the poker faced boy in the background suddenly put his hand over his face to cover up the red blush forming on his cheeks.

as tooru and the annoying orange continued to speak unnecessarily loud, i turned to see hajime and the dark haired, angry looking man meet eyes. they seemed to have a moment of acknowledgement, like they felt each other's pain.

as i ashamedly looked down onto the confetti covered grass, tooru walked by and leaned down to my ear,

"i just got the ball rolling for you, hun. trust me- i know how this works- because back in the day, i was a professional hoe myself. just ask your dad about it."

i'd believe it.

i mean, he was the most attractive guy on the block. it was funny though, tooru had all these women coming up to him, boobs out, but he stuck to hajime.
all these years.
he never left his side, not even once. and to me, that was the most beautiful thing on earth.

as the attendees scattered across the lawn, kou and i had a perfect view of each other. i shifted my gaze the other way and pretended like i didn't notice the most perfect face in the world.

i kept my head in the same position even as he was approaching me. he stopped and held out flowers and small box,

"h-happy fifteenth birthday, nukumi. i know it's not much, but-"

kou ended his sentence to watch me open up the box. i was smiling so much i wanted to cry. he was way too fucking adorable.

inside the box was a heart-shaped pendant with a picture of kou and i.

isn't this what couples gave to each other?
i thought for a second.

well, i wasn't complaining.

confused and happy at the same time, i looked up to meet gazes with kou, who was smiling hopefully.

i laughed and he, while at first was a nervous wreck, began to laugh as well. he hugged me and we stayed there for a while, unaware of the crowds around us.

i mean, who could give a shit? i just got confessed to by my "first love!1!1!"

but something at the back of my mind couldn't get rid of the feeling of emptiness.

as much as i hated to admit it,
i wanted her there.
i wanted my mom to be there.

•

as the party continued, my fathers played very violent volleyball with kou's parents. they'd be fantastic in-laws, actually.

kou and i, hand in hand, had fun with our friends. it was just like always, except with a lot more warmth and a lot less teenage angst.

though i wasn't really sure if feeling lovesick was any better.

as i reveled in the fact kou and i were "actually holding hands!!!!!1!1!1", a woman with short blonde hair and azure eyes came into view, walking towards us.

"is that your mom, nukumi?"

kou whispered.

i froze in place.

elise, dressed in a formal outfit, rushed up to me. she hugged me loosely, holding on for less than five seconds.

"happy birthday, nukumi. i hope you have a wonderful time with your friends."

she noticed kou and i holding hands and a look of recognition crossed her face.

and then i knew she wasn't looking at her daughter and her daughter's crush holding hands.
she was looking at herself and my father.
and there was an innate and certain fear in her eyes i swore i'd never forget.
because for a second,
or maybe even shorter,
i caught a glimpse of the woman behind the mask.

and it fucking terrified me how much of myself i saw in her.

she drew back, an expression of disgust and weariness apparent on her delicate features.

"i- i'll be off then."

elise click-clacked away on her black heels, and momentarily glanced over at my fathers.

"have a good day, elise!"

tooru jokingly yelled as hajime smacked him behind his head.

she couldn't even stay longer than a minute.

i heard of the story of how she didn't want me from the start. tooru had to tell me so i would sever the thought of ever having a relationship with her.

but with my chestnut hair and azure eyes, i couldn't deny the fact that i was her child.

i craved for one second longer in my mother's arms, because even if she hated me, i felt happy in her embrace.

no matter how many times my parents told me that i was loved by them, i could never see it because of that one empty space in my heart i knew would probably never be filled.

elise pushed everyone away, including tooru. she was alone and she would always be alone. some part of me held a certain love for her either way. i could never deny it.

but, i suppose i wasn't too down about it. i mean, my fathers seemed to love each other very much. and that gave me a certain feeling of happiness i wouldn't give away for the world.

because even without my mother, i felt a true kind of love.

my fathers,
a ring on each hand,
stayed,
side by side with me,
as i held hands with the boy
who gave me
the most warmth.

a/n:

amy: AHGGFGHGFF WARMTH IS FINISHED IT FEELS LIKE ETERNITY I HOPE YOU ALL LOVED IT AND THANK YOU SM FOR ALL YOUR WONDERFUL SUPPORT IT WAS FUN TO WRITE I GUESS LMAO LOVE YOU ALL SM!!!!!!

ash: this is so gay smh