W a r m t h | iwaoi

{3} - i n f a t u a t i o n

he was perfect.

his lips were heaven.
oh, god-
his lips.

and i felt myself unravel because there are only such strong hearts and i didn't own one and maybe i didn't want to.

because when i looked into his warm brown eyes i saw something and it twisted and turned and set my insides aflame and i loved every second of it.

and then it was over.
it was over and i wanted so much more.
i needed more.

but maybe it was his rich brown eyes, flecked with shards of gold.
maybe it was the way his soft lips felt against mine.
maybe it was the way his hands brushed my own and sparked something oh so terrifyingly new.
maybe it was the way he looked at me-
maybe it was the way he smiled.
whatever it was,
it was too beautiful.
too gorgeous.
too pure.

and maybe that's the reason my eyes met his and screamed no.
maybe that's the reason i threw it all away with that one gesture of rejection.
maybe that's the reason i watched the boy i would give everything to fall apart at my own expense.

and i was the monster who watched.

i was the monster who did nothing.

•

i woke to the sound of shuffling in the bedroom. dazedly opening my eyes, i noticed the pink and mauve hues of the sunrise through the blinds. my gaze drifted to the clock.

6:09 a.m, two hours before our first class.

why is iwa-chan awake?

the bedroom door clicked open, and i heard faint footsteps headed in my direction. i shut my eyes, pretending to sleep. childish as it may seem, i was afraid.

afraid if i opened my eyes,
he'd be gone-
a fabrication of my own fantasies.

i was so afraid, so scared of breaking the spell that made everything seem so okay. i didn't feel like crying myself to sleep again. i almost felt fulfilled.

because,
in that room shadowed by the telltale streaks of the sunrise, with iwa-chan there with me, blanketed by a calming silence- i knew it was too precious a moment.
too easy to shatter.

and so i closed my eyes and wished on all the shooting stars in the universe for it to last forever.

i heard his shoes creak against the floorboards as he bent down to meet my face, his hot breath sending shivers up my spine.

"i love you, tooru."

he stood up, walking to the door.

"and i'm so sorry for that,"

he added, his voice cracking.

and he left me there to curse out all those stupid stars with tears flooding my sad brown irises.

•

"nice receive, aki-chan!"

adrenaline coursed through my veins. we had decided to have another match with the girls' team, and it was the best one i'd played in a while.

elise was quiet and fast as she concentrated on the game. i watched her gracefully set the ball. she hadn't broken a sweat- which irritated me even more. i wanted to win. i wanted to prove to myself i was still worth something- even if my personality was absolute shit.

the opposing spiker hit the ball over the net. one of the boys saved it, bouncing it up in the air for me to set it.

as the ball sped towards me, it finally hit me.

i'd have to throw to iwaizumi.

and i couldn't.
i couldn't do it.

the volleyball dropped to the floor. the sound of it bouncing away echoed through the gym. each thud made me wince.

i knew i had let him down.
i knew he believed he could always count on me to throw him the ball.
i knew i had just shredded that bond of trust to pieces.

i fought every part of me that just wanted to run away from it all, and glanced at him.

his expression made me wish i hadn't. he looked so broken.
so lost.
there was no anger- no frustrated glare.
there was nothing.
and that tore me up from the insides because nothing was the worst part and i had taken his heart and crushed it and destroyed his everything and he felt nothing. i felt a lump rise in my throat and forced myself to choke it back, my hands trembling.

it didn't matter if i won the game at this point. i'd already lost my best friend.

"don't mind, small donger boy!"

i looked over towards the direction of the comforting voice, and i had caught a glimpse of the most radiant smile i had ever seen.

and it was at that moment that i saw an opening. i saw an escape. I saw a sanctuary.

i saw hope.

and i took hold of it.

anything to run away.

•

elise was an enigma.

she didn't seem to belong- her presence felt so off. it was like she was meant to be in someone else's life- holding their hands and kissing their lips-- not mine. it felt so.. wrong. we felt so wrong.

but she was my drug. she was my protection. she was my excuse. i thought i loved her- i really did. but i couldn't let those words slip past my lips.

i never could.

it all started with distant smiles, moving on to greetings, then little crushes, compliments here and there; it got to a point where i thought she was "the one" and i climbed over the boundaries that separated us.

one kiss.

then another.

and another.

but, i began to realize as we grew closer, i became more dependent on her. i got high off being with her. it made me feel okay.

okay- never happy.

but i drank her love like poison and shut my eyes and left behind the world i no longer felt safe in.

elise and i.

and it was all numb and foggy and okay until the day i woke up and asked myself where iwaizumi was because he was all i needed to breathe again.

i needed him.

a/n:

amy: THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR MORE THAN 250 VIEWS ON OUR STORY. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH. STAY GUCCI MY FRIENDS

ash: thanks, and sorry if this chapter's not that great- i hope you guys like it