For Your Eyes Only;

Prism

PS: For your eyes only, okay?

Maine

At 4:16 PM, they pronounced you dead.

At 4:16 PM, you left me and my life will never be the same again, Maine.

At 4:16 PM, the world lost all its colors.

When they finally allowed me to see you, I felt my whole life draining away from me as I stare at your bruised and broken body. I remember all the times I've made love to you, all the moments you've allowed me to admire you in all of your beauty, and it's so unbearably painful that all of that beauty is gone now—unmoving, cold, lifeless.

Para akong mabubulag sa sobrang sakit, Maine. Dumilim ang buong mundo ko. Ayoko ng makakita ng kahit anong liwanag. Gusto ko na lang pumikit at sumama sa'yo. Wag mo akong iwan. Isama mo ako kahit saan, Maine. 

So today I was thinking of whether I want a Beach or a Church wedding, and RJ, it's so hard to decide because I want to walk the aisle and experience a solemn ceremony with you before the Lord, but at the same time I also dream of walking barefoot on a beach and hear you say I DO as the sun rises in the background. Where do you want to get married, RJ?

Papakasalan kita kahit saan, Maine. Papakasalan kita ng paulit-ulit.

I was looking at wedding gowns the entire week and suddenly I can COMPLETELY understand the perennial dilemma of all my clients. CHOOSING WHAT TO WEAR ON YOUR WEDDING DAY IS SERIOUSLY SO DAMN HARD, RJ. Grabe pala talaga. But it's a beautiful problem, love, and I'm still grateful. Because you've already assured me that all I have to do is show up. Should I really wear a white T-shirt on our wedding day?

Niyakap kita ng mahigpit. Ang lamig lamig ng katawan mo, Maine. Mahal, eto na yung favorite jacket mo, gumising ka na, please. Parang awa mo na, yakapin mo ako ulit, Maine. Mahal na mahal kita. Nangako ka sa akin na habang buhay mo akong sasamahan matulog sa gabi at bumangon tuwing umaga. Kahit na ano ibibigay ko, Maine, gumising ka lang.

Parang paulit-ulit din akong pinapatay noong pinipilit kung hanapin yung tibok ng puso mo, tulad ng lagi kong ginagawa tuwing pagkatapos nating ibigay ang sarili natin sa isa't isa, at ngayon, wala na akong marinig. Wala na. Wala ka na talaga. Iniwan mo na talaga ako, Maine.

All my memories of you and everything you' ve ever told me came rushing to me like a flood and I tried so hard to hold on to all the glimpses of you that I remember. 

I see you holding my hands in El Nido and telling me:

"You can survive this, RJ. You will become an even more excellent doctor and you will help a lot of kids. And I will always die a little every day too, whenever I miss you, but I will always, always be so proud that you are strong enough to do this."

I see your eyes lighting up with the brightness of a thousand stars when we were at the top of the world on the day you said that you have chosen me too, the day you accepted me as your boyfriend . I see the moment you've tearfully but bravely said yes to marrying me the day I came back home to you. I see us kissing and holding on to each other at the backseat of my car just before the sunrise on our first day as a couple and you asking me to promise you that I will always begin no matter what.

Eternal beginnings.

Maine, paano ako magsisimula ulit ngayong wala ka na?

I held your hand. The 27 bones that hold my world together are all broken now.

I reached for the diamond ring from the pocket of my jeans and for the second and last time, I slipped it on your finger.

There would be no one else, love. I promised you this before and I still promise you this now:

Kahit ilang beses ako magsimula, ikaw at ikaw pa rin, Maine.

Ikaw lang hanggang huli. 

Note: Opo hindi ko na nilagay na Author's note kasi I wouldn't dare call myself an author at this point sa sobrang basura nitong fic na 'to hahaha sorry. #PeykAuthor. Uunahan ko na kayo—isa akong pashnea. Handa naman po akong ma-bash pero easyhan niyo lang mga bes kasi may dalawang chapter pa and huhuhu hindi nga kasi talaga ito angst...okay sabi ko nga shut up na lang ako. Utang na loob wag niyo ako itiwalag sa fandom juskolord.