For Your Eyes Only;

Lavender

Maine woke up alone in the couch with her arms empty.

Hindi man lang siya nagpaalam.

She hugged her knees and squeezed her eyes shut, trying her hardest not to remember how good and how peaceful she slept, caged inside RJ's embrace. But it was all too vivid—his strong arms, his intoxicating scent, his heartbeat.

When she forced herself to get up, her right foot stepped on something on the carpet and she lightly gasped. A black leather wallet. RJ's wallet.

Opening it, she found cash and his credit cards as well as some of his IDs. And then, there was the polaroid photo. A teenage girl had her arms wrapped around RJ's neck while planting a kiss on his cheek. There was a glimmer of happiness in his eyes and in his smile and Maine found herself clutching her chest because even without words or explanation, she knew:

He lost her.

Thirty minutes later, after a swift change of clothes and dashing for a cab ride, Maine was trying to work out the nerve to ask the information officer at the reception lobby of Saint Luke's BGC where Dr. Faulkerson's office was, but ended up asking which floor was the cardiology department located, to not appear so obvious.

"Je, di daw pala muna sasama sa atin later si RJ for lunch out later. Baka makikipag-rendezvous ulit si lover boy dun sa pinapantasya niya," a man wearing a doctor's coat approached the reception counter and told the information officer. Dr. Gogna, his nameplate reads.

Maine gulped.

"Yaan na natin, Dude. Back to work naman na siya next week di, ba? Sulitin niya na lovelife niya habang may oras. Alam mo naman yun. Pambansang Workaholic."

"Eh di pa nga tapos yung bakasyon niya, nag minor-surgery na agad kanina eh. Emergency call, pero he came running here kahit naka-leave."

"Alam mo naman motto nun, di ba?"

And to Maine's confusion, the two guys sang in chorus:

"I'm only one...call away...I'll be there to save...the...day...Superman's got nothing...on me..."

And then they broke into laughter, bumping into each other's fist.

She took the elevator and went down on the fifth floor then asked for directions at the Nurse's station. Immediately, she felt an air of hostility among the nurses when she mentioned that she was looking for Dr. Faulkerson. She was told to wait at his office.

Five minutes. Ten minutes. Fifteen minutes. Still no sign of him. Maine studied RJ's neat and organized desk and found not a single clutter. There was a clean stack of patient file folders and a jar holding several pens. On his wall, there were several post-its for appointments and reminders. Just before she could look away, a small handwritten birthday card caught Maine's eye. A large lavender-colored heart was sketched on the entirety of the card cover and a HAPPY BIRTHDAY KUYA! was written in swirling black letters at the bottom. She found herself drawn to the card because somehow, her mind was finally putting the puzzle pieces together. There was a short message and a sketch of a man in a black formal suit and a woman in a red dress.

Briefly, she remembered her own scarlet gown that she had worn on the evening when RJ came back to her life.

Kuya RJ!

Sorry, the heart in front was lavender, I used up all the red crayon for your future wife's dress haha. Yes, kuya, you will one day meet the love of your life and this is my birthday gift to you: a glimpse of the future. Kuya, thank you for being so good to me. I know you've done everything you could do so that I could live longer but maybe this is really it. Kuya, please, don't be sad if one day I won't be here anymore. It's none of your fault. You've been the best kuya ever and if God would give me another chance to live another life, I would still pick you as my kuya (kahit super nerd ka ew) Anyway, you're 29 now and yuck you're old and single, hanapin mo na si future sister in law ko, please. I want to make sure that someone will take care of you and look after you. You loved me too much you have forgotten to love yourself. When you find the love of your life, marry her right away, ha? I don't want you to be sad anymore. And I hope she will know how lucky she is to have you. I hope she makes you happy, Kuya. I hope she makes you smile all the time.

Love always,

Ria

RJ found Maine wiping away the tears streaming down her face. He hugged her from behind, wanting to protect her from his own pain.

"Her heart stopped functioning three days after she gave me that birthday card," he told her.

"Her heart...is lavender and beautiful, RJ," she whispered, hugging him back.

"I wrote to her every single day since she died. The last letter was the one you picked up."

"Do you miss her?"

"I do. Every time during surgeries and check-ups, I think of her. I always feel like a hypocrite because I keep on saving other people when I failed on keeping my own sister alive. And I thought: these kids deserve a better doctor than me. Alam mo yun? They deserve someone who's strong enough not to succumb to depression, someone who does not think of quitting everyday...of running away..."

Maine wiped his tears away and enveloped him in her tiny and frail arms.

You are stronger than that, RJ. 

"But you...you taught me not to run. You taught me...to begin again," he told her, finally smiling.

Just when they were about to lean in for a kiss, a knock came on the door.

"Dr. Faulkerson, lumabas na po yung MRI results ni Cruz-Rivas," a nurse sternly announced, glaring at Maine when she saw the scene she just interrupted.

"RJ...uh...why do the nurses here all seem to hate me with a passion?"

He just chuckled and kissed her on the forehead again.

"Oh my god, they all have a crush on you?!" She exclaimed after the realization finally sunk in that the nurses were all jealous of her.

"Doesn't matter to me. Ikaw lang ang crush ko, Maine."

Five minutes later, as Maine walked out of his office and past the nurses station, RJ shouted at her, loud enough for everyone on the floor (especially the nurses) to hear.

"Thank you for sleeping with me!"

And just when Maine felt like shrinking from the sheer embarrassment of it all, RJ concluded it with an even louder yell:

"PIKACHU...I CHOOSE YOU!"

Later, when she finally comes back to her apartment to take a shower, she would belatedly find RJ's message on the inside of her upper left arm. In the absence of paper, he apparently still left her a makeshift note that morning on her skin. 

Maine, all I want is a lifetime of falling asleep and waking up next to you. 

Her phone beeped. A message from RJ. 

10:37 AM

Based on my highly reliable, purely scientific and extremely accurate diagnosis, you're wearing yellow cotton underwear. 

Namimiss na kita agad, Maine.