Looks are decieving

The secret

It's been a couple weeks since my last meltdown. And school wasn't going as well as I thought it was. It was horrible. Work kept piling up on me, stress at home trying to hide my secrets. I couldn't handle it all. I had to go back to my old ways, it was the only way I could get rid of my stress. When I got home I looked at the time. 3:50. My parents will be home in half an hour. I was starving! I haven't eaten anything beside the banana I ate for breakfast. I made my self a peanut butter sandwich. And then I went to my room to sleep.

***********************************

"Alejandra you've been loosing to much weight." My doctor told me

I sat there silent not saying anything.

" You've lost 20 pounds in the last 3 weeks. That's not good. Do you mind telling me how this happened?" She says with concern in her eyes. Obviously she's my medic

" I've just been dieting like any other girl. What's the difference when I loose weight. I'm happy now I'm finally a size 4. Other girls weigh less than me." I tell her defending myself

" But you're too tall to weigh this much. It's not normal for a girl your height and age..... You need to stop this. If you want I can give you a meal plan to stay healthy and regain what you've lost. "

" No! I don't want to. I've worked hard to get where I am!" I tell tears in my eyes.

She tries calming me down ," Why is this so important to you? You were at the right weight the last time you came in. Why the sudden plunge?"

" I just want to fit in. Like all the other girls at school. I just want to fit in.." I say crying

************************************I wake up crying from my sleep. I look at the clock and it's already 5. I get off my bed and slide some sweatpants on and a hoodie to go for my regular run.

While I'm running I remember my dream. I really hate that I keep dreaming the same situation. My doctor hasn't found out yet. About my eating disorder. I'm just afraid of what will happen when I do go. The last time I went it wasn't as bad as it is today.....