Live A Little

chapter 2

"I'm telling you, if i get Mrs. Fuckolva for math this year i'm dropping it i don't care if that means i'm throwing away my chance of getting into NYU, i will not stay in the same room with her everyday for a whole semester i just wont do it!" Chloe exclaimed. 

"Mrs. Chulkova?" Hunter laughed. Chloe never held back with how she felt and boy did she ever get passionate about the dumbest things. this was one of her more normal arguments. she would get as crazy as talking about aliens taking over our earth or her theory that all cats are the work of the devil along with Chris Brown and Hitler. she had issues.

"Don't the schedules come out tomorrow? I guess you'll find out soon whether you'll be attending NYU or not." i joked. school started in 3 days and i was really dreading it unlike Chloe and Hunter, they were excited for all the senior parties and events that go on. apparently senior year is a huge party year aside from the extra work and stress for university/college. 

"oh abby, you really know how to put me down don't you. if it wasn't for the fact that you are unbelievably adorable and innocent i would totally take you down with a bitchy comment but i will forever bite my tongue." she mocked sarcastically. they were always poking fun at me for being completely untainted. i didn't have any enemies or any reason to have any. i was pure and simply, well, boring. There was no dirt to be told about me. They on the other hand have a lot of dirt and i mean a lot. I envy them for that.

"oh Chloe how did i get so lucky to have your brightness light my soul day after day?" i mocked back using the same tone of sarcasm she did. we all laughed at that until hunter broke our giggles. 

"did you guys get invited to clarks party on friday? its a back to school bash, seniors only and TONS of hot girls!" 

"omg hunter! how appealing to me! a party full of hot girls! now that sounds like a friday well spent." chloe snapped at him.

"well, obviously theres gonna be guys there too." hunter mumbled

Chloe smiled at that. It was obvious she already knew about the party though. I was the only one who didn't know. I wasn't invited. 

"you guys have fun, maybe you can stumble your drunk asses over to someone else's house at 3 am this time." i joked. they always managed to find my house after every party. they would tell their parents that they were staying at my house anyways because they would never let them attend a party. they were too strict. my dad never cared about that. he was super laid back and sad and lonely and - no, i'm not doing this right now. i'm with my friends i'm not bringing myself down again. 

"come on! you make the best breakfast for hangovers though!" hunter joked. I rolled my eyes and played the left over panini on my plate. "but seriously i'm so excited, it sucks that you wont go though Abs." he sulked. 

I never went to parties. it was my thing, my friends would go and i would listen to their stories. it may sound sad but its really not that bad, i get to relax at home and spend time with my family and then i get all the hot gossip afterwards. i mean sure it would be fun to attend at least one party for once. i could be the one telling the dumb stories, i could meet people, people would know me. 

I'm not gonna lie, i sometimes fantasize about being as popular as Chloe and hunter. Going to parties every weekend, getting completely shit-faced drunk, hooking up with strangers, running into so many people i know everywhere, having friends - like a lot of friends not just 2. honestly just being a teenager, A real life teenager with no worries or responsibilities, making as many mistakes as possible. having fun. Oh god who was i kidding, i think about that a lot, Like kind of all the time. OK I THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME. there i said it, i'm completely jealous of them. 

i cant even remember the day i decided i was gonna keep a low profile. i just know it was sometime after my mothers death. maybe i was holding on to the girl she wanted me to be. She was always the strict parent and i would rebel against her all the time. when she died, i was so mad at myself for the times i disobeyed her. Acting responsible and filling her shoes was the only way i new to apologize to her. somewhere in the midst of me becoming my mother i lost who i was before. i lost that fun girl who did anything she wanted. the girl who was the light of every party the girl who didn't have any cares or worries. i miss that girl. 

Thats when it it me, maybe it was a spur of the moment thing or i just got excited from my own thoughts but i felt like i had came to an epiphany. 

"i'm going".