𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄, 𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐄 SPENCER REID

prologue.

There was a silence that had blanketed itself over the room — the music had stopped, the voices had quieted, bodies sat still — it was as if time had stopped in place, freezing in this moment that would change his life forever.

Spencer stood at the front of the church, the once occupied space beside him now empty. He felt a sudden coldness wash over his body, the realization of what had happened settling in.

She left him. She walked away, just before they were meant to say their "I do's", leaving him and all of her friends and family behind. It replayed in his mind, the words she said, "I can't do this".

He closed his eyes and tightened his hands into a fist, letting his nails dig into his skin, hoping to wake himself from this nightmare, hoping that when his eyes opened she would still be there, ready to love him for the rest of their lives.

But his eyes opened and she was no where to be found, it was his nightmare but it wasn't a dream, it was as real as it could get.

Spencer felt the sting in his eyes from the tears that began to form, dripping one by one down his cheeks. The ache in his chest became so evident that he could barely breathe, his legs threatening to fail underneath him.

But an arm suddenly slipped around his waist, helping to keep him steady on his feet. "You should sit down, Spence", Jennifer guided him to a nearby bench, supporting him as he sat down.

"She left me". Spencers voice was barely above a whisper, shaking with every word. "She really left me".

His friends surrounded him, looks of concern and empathy etched on their faces. Emily took a seat beside him, comfortingly rubbing his back as he cried.

"Everything will be okay. It's a possibility that she just got cold feet, maybe she'll come back". Emily tried to reassure him, but everyone there knew she wasn't coming back.

Spencer's tears only came faster, his eyes and cheeks red and irritated from the continuous wiping of his hand.

We should get you home. "You shouldn't stay here. I can drive you, everything else will be taken care of later". Jennifer offered her friend a hand, a halfhearted smile on her lips.

Spencer accepted her hand and pulled himself onto his feet, slowly and quietly bidding goodbye to the rest of his friends.

Garcia enveloped him into a tight embrace, wiping away her own tears, saddened from seeing her friend hurt. "If you need anything at all, I'm a phone call away".

"Take it easy kid". Derek smiled with pursed lips, patting him on the back. They all waved him off, watching somberly as him and Jennifer exited the church.

The drive to his apartment was silent. His tears had subsided and he was finally able to catch his breath, but the ache in his chest was there to stay.

As they pulled up near his building, Spencer felt a twinge of hope that maybe she would be inside waiting for him. He knew his hope could lead to more pain, but he couldn't help it, he wanted her to be there, he needed everything to be okay.

"Will you be alright? Do you need me to walk up with you?"

Spencer shook his head at the blonde. "No, It's probably better that I be alone right now. I'll be fine".

Jennifer was hesitant to leave him there without someone, but she knew not to push too hard. "Just be safe, okay? If you need anything you know what to do".

Spencer left the car with a nod, hurriedly making his way up to his apartment door. He fumbled with his keys, taking a deep breath before pushing the door open.

Almost immediately the scent of her perfume hit him, bringing him slight comfort. He scanned the room, looking for any sign of her presence, but it was to no avail.

He slowly trudged through the apartment toward the bedroom he shared with her — or rather, used to share with her. And suddenly it dawned on him that there was no sign at all of her presence, not even from before.

The closet and drawers were empty of her clothes, her shoes and coat weren't by the door as per usual, the bathroom was void of her toothbrush and personal products. Any proof that she had ever been there was gone.

His whole body felt heavy and his head began to spin. He stumbled over to the bed, tears threatening to spill from his eyes again. That's when he noticed it; the neatly folded paper on his pillow.

He grabbed the paper and held it in his hand, holding his breath as he unfolded it. He could recognize the handwriting from anywhere, it was hers. He dreaded what it said, but he let his eyes trace every word.

Dear Spencer,

No apology will ever make up for this, I know that, but I truly am sorry. You deserve more than this, but I couldn't bare to say all of this in person. The very last thing I wanted was to hurt you, or leave you behind, but I knew I couldn't stay. I'm not the person I used to be. I don't recognize who I am at all anymore, and it's been that way for a long time. I don't feel safe in my own skin or in my own home. I've been lying to you and our friends for months, trying to convince myself and everyone else that I was okay. But I'm not okay, I can't remember the time that I was. And I can't keep living this life, I can't live with the constant reminder of what I lost the day everything went wrong. I can't just move on, either. I need time, and space, from you and our home and our friends and our job. So I'm leaving. I have a friend that's taking me in for a while, until I can get back on my feet and work things out for myself. I don't know how long I'll be gone, I don't even know if I'll ever come back. I love you, and that's not going to change, but I can't marry you. I'm sorry. I truly do wish you the best. Goodbye, Spence.

Love always, Allie

She was gone, and she took his heart with him.