There stirs a quiet pain in my heart as I think about what happened. All I'm left with now are the haunting memories of his love that come in waves, burying me. The look of hatred and fear no longer lingers in my eyes; only emptiness does. I wake up breathless, something that I was familiar with. I pick up the letter on the bedside table and decide that this was it. I had to open it; and so I did.
Hey.
If you're reading this, it means you're missing me as much as I'm missing you. The last time I wrote a letter was when I was fourteen and wanted to tell a girl to stop stalking me. Writing a letter to you seems so difficult, for no words could ever describe the love we had. We cornered ourselves into admitting something that we knew we could get pounced upon, but we still ran into it with brute courage. And in the brief but intense moments of contemplations, we lost to time. The clock ticked away as if it were paranoid too.
I loved everything about you and I still do. I loved how your eyes gleamed with happiness when we saw each other. I loved the gentle way in which you spoke to soothe me. I loved the way you filled my aimless days with hope. Each morning as I woke, you were the first person I saw, and honestly, that was the life I wanted. But then we drifted apart. We started fighting over reasons that seem so petty now. And I'm sorry is all I can say. I'm sorry for being the one to press you to dust, the one to make this love chaotic. I'm sorry that I couldn't give you the love you deserved.
The thing about the heart is that it can't physically break, but what actually happens is way more painful. It rips and wears away, leaving behind a clump of muscle that strenuously pumps blood that the body no longer desires. I realized that I started losing you, that you're probably imagining your life without me in it.
I will miss you, always. Time apart has planted a longing inside me that you'll come back to me. If you reach for me, I will not push you away. I will love you, always.
Jared.
The tears fell freely. Were those fights worth letting go of the best thing that happened to me?
